Thursday, July 31, 2008

Dear Denise Richards

Dear Denise,

May I call you Denise? Because I feel like I know you so well now, and we have so much in common - mainly being that we have both given birth to Charlie Sheen's offspring. Oops, just kidding - had ya worried there for a minute didn't I?

Anyway, there I was Denise, all alone. My kids were at their cousin's house for a sleepover, all three of them, my husband was at work and I had the evening all to myself.

So, what's a girl to do? I did what any normal girl would do. I rented a few movies and got greasy Chinese food to eat all alone on my living room floor with nobody but the dog to keep me company.

And he is mighty fine company, I might add, he didn't even once ask for a bite of my chow mein.

So there I was, eagerly awaiting my movie - oh excuse me, your movie. I saw it on the shelf and those snappy pink airline stewardess uniforms that you and Pamela Anderson were wearing caught my eye. I thought they looked a little like what Reece Witherspoon wore in Legally Blond and figured, hey this might be a funny chick flick for me to watch, kind of like the girl version of Dumb and Dumber, Blonde and Blonder.

That's what you guys wanted me to think all along, huh? That is your ploy to get the unsuspecting mommies with a night all to themselves to rent your DVD, isn't it? Because seriously, who else would watch such a thing?

Although that whole bit about Mr. Hung Wong was kinda funny - especially the part where he tells Pam his name and she says "Ouch!" As if! She was married to Tommy Lee for Christ Sake.

It is only because my brain is half gone and when left alone, sometimes I am in such utter shock from the lack of hearing screaming children that I make poor choices.

Yeah, I am on to you. And Pamela Anderson. [What was I thinking?]

I don't know who was dumber - me for renting the movie in the first place, or you for agreeing to be in it. Maybe you and Pam are planning on taking over the movie biz or something . . . maybe she's your BFF. Although I haven't seen her on your reality show yet, only those other annoying women who complain when the paparazzi take their picture when, hello! you are filming a reality TV show and complaining about cameras? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Well Denise, that is about all the time I have to write. You see, I have to make up at least 90 minutes of my life that I lost watching Blonde and Blonder.


PS - You should have auditioned for Definitely, Maybe. Now that, was a good movie. Thank God for choice #2.


Susan said...

Dumb movie or are one lucky lady to have a whole night off....I don't even remember what that is like. Maybe I will dream about that tonight. That is as close as I am likely to get for at least a few YEARS!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Seriously, what were you thinking?!

Chelle said...

Although I haven't seen the movie...I watched every single episode of her show on E!.
Call me a loser, call me a reality junkie...the sad thing? I liked her show...yikes!

Wendy said...

I'm lovin ya just for the Chinese food alone! Now I want some!

creative-type dad said...

Denise hasn't made a good movie since Starship Troopers.

But that trailer made me laugh...

Carol said...

Oh no you wasted a delightful evening watching utter movie poop. So sad for you.

I hope you learned a valuable lesson in DVD selection.

You can never be too careful!

LindaJ said...

I just want you to know that I'm sorry that you had to watch that movie...and oh, BTW Ryan R is going to be my new boyfriend now okay!

Christy said...

I was home alone the other night and saw about 10 minutes of her reality show while going through my tivoed House Hunters episodes...I didn't know she has a reality show...and I'd much rather have gone through my entire life not knowing she had one. I have to think those shows must be incredibly contrived, because whenever I see one, the whole time I'm there like, really? Seriously?

Leslie said...

I started to watch the trailer, but couldn't. Hadn't heard of that movie, now I know why. Hope you enjoyed the night even though you got a bad movie.

Kristin said...

I'm sending a home copy of "Love Actually" for just such bait-n-switch emergencies!

Mamasphere said...

One of my little secrets is that I've been watching her reality show. And liking it! Oh, please don't tell anybody. I was even thinking about watching that movie, to give her a chance, but now I won't. Reality TV is one thing, BAD movies is another. Thanks for the warning (and for keeping my secret).

mom2natnkatncj said...

Huh, I had never heard of this one. There's probably a reason for that ;). Makes you wonder if these actors ever get embarrassed by some of the rolls they choose.

Jenny said...

haven't seen the movie, but judging my your review...not a good one to get. i have watched her reality show, yes I know horrible. she seems so down to earth, why on earth would she make a movie like this??

McMommy said...

Denise Richards OWES YOU!! Doesn't she realize how valuable our "kid-less" time is?!? We can't WASTE it on dumb movies!!!

Glad to hear Movie #2 was not a time-waster!

Ann(ie) said...

um yeah. Been there. sadly done that. Now don't you dare watch her reality show. That's about 44 minutes I won't get back b/t two episodes. =/

Kelli said...

Yeah, pretty much anything with Pamela Anderson in it, I avoid like the plague. Unfortunately, it doesn't get much better with Denise. I saw a couple episodes of her reality where she was trying to decide if she wanted to do another PB centerfold or a Style spread with her daughters. She was so conflicted about what to do...Huh? I couldn't believe it.

Definitely Maybe is a cute one though. Glad your night wasn't a total loss. Must have been nice to have the house to yourself.

Happy belated POW!!! :)