My new BFF, my therapist, decided to go and have a baby last month so it's been a while since she and I have had one of our chats (SESSIONS).
I miss her.
Yes, she gave me the names of 2 other therapists in her practice that she thinks would be a good fit while she's busy changing diapers and smelling that new baby smell - but I don't want them, I want her. PTSD aside, the past 8 months have been the most uncharacteristically chaotic of my life. She's heard the back story, she knows the details, she knows me.
How can I even begin to explain things to another person?
I could hold out my hand, touching each fingertip as I go through the events that have turned our lives upside down:
- Mother in Law hospitalized for "failure to thrive" (although we tried everything we could to keep her healthy)
- Mother in Law sent home by care facility because she is not following their therapy instructions, therefore cannot stay (even though she can't care for herself at home - we were told that we "had to let her fail" by state social workers)
- Mother in Law passes away
- Beloved family dog diagnosed with cancer
- He passes away
- Friend and co-worker diagnosed with cancer the same time as 3 other friends passes away
- Good friend who fought breast cancer had cancer move into her bones - surgery, infections and rehab
- Husband promoted to Captain (this is good)
- Firefighter (married to a friend of mine from high school) and friend passes away, leaving a huge hole in our firefighter family as well as his own
That's 9 things. I'd need 2 hands. And I'm not even including the regular teenager stuff OR Katie's mystery viruses that kept her home from school for more days than I'd like to acknowledge, sent us to the clinic more times than I'd like to think about, and had us in a teeny bit of a panic when she had a pretty severe reaction to an antibiotic she was given for something SHE NEVER ENDED UP HAVING!
Or, that I TURNED 40, Wyatt needs braces and we now have to insure a teenage driver.
Oh, and I need a new roof.
That's a full plate, right?
But enough about all of that. What truly amazes me (and god, I am getting soooo sick of the word "amazing" in all forms) is that I am surrounded by people who care. I'm not talking about the kind of people who say they're there for you but then disappear. I'm talking about people who are actually really there. The kind of people who will do anything for you. The kind of people who will push you to get things done that you'd really rather not deal with. The kind of people who arrange bakers and volunteers for a memorial service for someone they've never met, so you don't have to do it. The kind of people who listen. The kind of people who stay up with you all night. The kind of people that make you laugh. The kind of people who love you no matter how long it's been since you've seen them. The kind of people who love you even when you've lost your marbles. The kind of people who don't even hesitate when you ask for their help. The kind of people who aren't just there for you, they're there for all of you.
These are the kind of people who don't do it because they know you'd do it for them, they just do it.
I'm convinced that everyone needs these kinds of people in their life. And these are the kinds of people who fill my cup. They overflow it with friendship, love, support, strength and hope. Some of them are family. Some of them are friends. Some of them are people I hardly know. And every last one of them is important.
A dear friend called me a name today. Anam Cara, it means "soul friend." Of course, I had to look this up and was not really surprised when I read it's meaning. Soul friends are people who get you (she gets me). They are people that bind you to this world. Sometimes I overlook these people until I need them most. I'm going to stop doing that.
Fill your cup with people like this. Take their love and wrap it around your head and heart until you feel their comfort. Never let them go.
Lucky me, after all.