The Weekly Beat

In the news of all that is awesome around the Stop Screaming household this week, I hung up on a celebrity.

It's not everyday that I look at the caller ID and it displays "Imagination Movers" on the screen. I almost dropped the phone right then and there. But I had a job (interview) to do, so I persevered. After all, my daughter was sitting there, looking at me with eyes as big as plates, not believing that her mom was really going to talk to one of her favorite Disney Channel characters on THE REAL PHONE! I know that when your kids are this age, they are easy to please and equally easy to impress - heck, buying her a ring pop at the local market usually does the trick - so I am going to soak in this new found superpower of mine - along with the ability to call Santa on my cell - for as long as I can.

And right now, I'm totally working it.

::

In other news, I've reached an all time level of lazy.

I ordered groceries online.

gasp.

I know, who does this, right? Well, I do! I do! You see, the night before Thanksgiving, my husband was called in for an overtime shift at the fire department. Hold your applause. I was working from home that day and he was going to be the one running out to get the last minute items needed to make pies - because I never procrastinate.

Well, lo and behold, that wasn't going to happen and as I faced the looming evening thinking that I'd have to take the kids with me to the store and wrestle premade pie crusts with other people who had put off getting them earlier in the week, I wanted to pull my hair out. So, I looked into the whole online grocery buying deal. Turns out, that wasn't going to happen. Safeway.com was booked until Saturday (this was Wednesday and we were not going to be postponing Thanksgiving just because I waited too long to get my groceries), so I was screwed.

But all is well that ends well people! Because I created an account online, they immediately started sending me email promotions to lure me back into the online supermarket. Free delivery and $15 in free groceries later, I succumbed to the marketing bait, dangling in front of my cold, tired and did I mention cold? face. I figured since the temperature hadn't risen above 28 all week, no reason why I had to be the one to actually go out in it.

I mean, come on!

I placed my order, free of the distractions of kids asking for lollipops, other shoppers being weird, and the shiny covers of my favorite gossip magazines calling out BUY ME! BUY ME! I was a little frightened that my produce would be not exactly what I wanted - I'm kind of picky about my fruits and veggies - but I was willing to take a chance. If this gig worked out, I envisioned me - relaxed, dressed to the 9s and hair looking perfect, house totally clean and children always smiling and behaved, cocktail in hand for the husband when he came home from work (which doesn't make sense because he works 24 hour shifts and comes home in the morning, but hey), getting my meals cooked by a chef and looking hot because my personal trainer had just kicked my butt for the 3rd week in a row (as if 3 weeks would be all it'd take to get me in shape, riiiiiiiiight).

A girl can dream.

What did happen is that a man older than my dad (which is not old, dad) named Bob (not really) showed up at my doorstep with what looked like supplies for the next Armageddon - crate upon crate stacked up on a cart. He introduced himself and then marched right into my kitchen as I stood there, slack jawed. He unloaded the groceries onto the kitchen counters and joked that he does everything except actually put them away. I believe my jaw was still hanging at this point.

I felt so incredibly pampered.

We even got a free frozen pizza because Bob forgot to drop it off at another delivery spot. But I'm not supposed to say anything about that.

And color me silly, but I'm all for this online grocery buying deal. I mean, it's not something that I can imagine doing on a regular basis...but I did save money because I didn't buy a bunch of stuff that I didn't really need. I saved on the delivery charge because it was free. I missed talking to all the crazy old ladies in line, but I think I'll get over that. And, there are more offers for free delivery sitting in my inbox RIGHT NOW! So, um, yeah - it's really all it's cracked up to be.

::

My kid made the honor roll.

::

And, in case you haven't heard, it's cold in Washington. Like, really, really, really cold. Like don't go outside with wet hair because it will freeze cold. And if you have kids who like to toss their icky fish tank water onto the patio (hello, gross), don't let them do it because it will IMMEDIATELY make a disgusting frozen puddle of leftover fish food and fish poop, and nobody wants to see that cold.

Now I understand that whole crawling into a cave, layering yourself with many inches of insulating fat, and sleeping all winter long hibernation thing that bears do.

Man, I wish I was a bear.