Wednesday, September 02, 2009

If Mom Had a Blog

If mom had a blog, way back when (we're talking the late 1970's/early 80's here people, you're going to have to stretch your imagination a little further than that), I wonder what she'd write?

Ugh! Another day with this obnoxious little girl and I'm going to poke my eye out! Today she decided to torment her little brother all day long. He went left, she went right. He wanted to be left alone to play with his Star Wars toys in his room, she made annoying noises outside his bedroom door until he finally came to me, in tears.

I just don't understand this kid!

Today she had to sit on the step (the place where people put kids before the days of "time outs" and "meaningful consequences") for an hour for lying! Lying! How hard can it be to just tell the truth? I know she is a good girl, but man...

She has her Dad wrapped around her little finger. He probably doesn't understand why I'm at my wit's end when he comes home from work at night as she attacks him the minute he is up the stairs from putting the car away in the garage, but boy oh boy! If he only knew what I went through with her. I'm beginning to fear for her future.

She thinks I'm mean because I don't let her eat sugar cereal like her friends moms do. I mean, come on! I leave the sugar bowl out on the breakfast table (Paul Harvey's radio show "The Rest of The Story" always playing in the background on the kitchen radio) and leave the room to go dry my hair. I'm guessing that there aren't little fairies that sneak in here and devour that sugar so can't she just cut me a break? Just because I won't buy frosted mini sugar coated whatever doesn't mean that I'm a horrible mother. Plus, that homemade yogurt I give the kids is delicious. Just ask them.

On second thought, don't. Their palettes aren't sophisticated enough to appreciate my homemade yogurt.

When we took our family vacation to California, to go to Disneyland, I thought I just might leave her there! She poked her brother under the armrest of the car the entire way! That's all the way from Washington to California. I'm not even going to mention how many times we had to pull over because she was going to puke. Good grief! I don't care how big a Cadillac is, it's not big enough to take 2 kids on that long of a road trip.

And all that food she puts in her napkin and gives to the dog when I'm not looking? Yeah, daughter, I am so onto your game. That's why I snuck extra wheat germ into your instant breakfast the other day. Ha! Gotcha!

Oh yes, if mom had a blog I'm sure I'd have provided her with plenty of things to write about, just like my daughter does for me.

Like the old saying goes: what goes around comes around.

And, someday you really will have a child of your own who will test every single limit of your parenting.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

So, are you going to save this one for our Katie?

You know, we didn't really miss blogs. We had neighbors and coffee and time to enjoy both. What do you think Pam, Sandy & I were doing after you left for school? Cleaning?

xxxooomom

Ashley said...

Today my mother told me that she was sure when the Monster was born that he was going to be my payback. Now she says she was mistaken and that it is Sugarbaby who is surely going to do me in.

Moms are awesome.

Scout's Honor said...

As we already know, I must have been very, very naughty because kharma is sticking it to me good with my family. :D

wyliekat said...

Yes, my mother got her wish for me - that I have a child exactly like I was.

And honestly, I'm not sure I'd want it any other way.

Thankfully, the fates intended that I also raise Juniper, who is precisely the opposite temperament. Which is to say - very easy to work with.

Kyla said...

LOL!

Becky said...

oh man this is so true.

Woman with kids said...

My mother used to say that all the time, "I hope when you grow up, you have a kid just like you!" I do. Boy 1? Equals me only male. Geez, I must have been a complete terror...

Woman with kids said...

My mother used to say that all the time, "I hope when you grow up, you have a kid just like you!" I do. Boy 1? Equals me only male. Geez, I must have been a complete terror...

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

Ha ha ha, loved this!

Jenn said...

...And comes around and comes around and comes around.

I am horrified each time I ask my kids why they cannot just turn off a light when they leave a room, why don't they just send my paychecks to the electric company?

And, the classic, "because I said so."

Dear Lord, no.

OHmommy said...

Hahahaha Carrie. What if our moms blogged. I wonder. I am sure I gave her enough fodder that is for sure. Like my own kids do for me!

Mahmee said...

Ha! So true, so true! Never thought my own kid could out-pout me but, wonders never cease.
M.

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