Once upon a time, I wrote about Crocs.
And I found out that I wasn't the only person on the planet who thinks these glorified clown shoes are an abomination in regards to footwear.
Now, I am no shoe queen. I'm really plain and boring when it comes to shoes. I get excited when I see a discounted pair of pumps at Target. Even more so if they are sparkly and some ridiculous color.
All the better to wear for fun, I say.
So what is my problem with le Crocs, you may ask?
I just think they are ridiculous.
Unless you are a doctor, or a professional gardener, or mucking around in the mud with them, or you are under the age of five. But I've already said all of that.
My mom's birthday was in August and all she wanted for her birthday was a new garden hose. Yes, we are all about practical presents in this fragile economy and there is absolutely nothing wrong with purchasing a garden hose for someone's birthday gift (and did you know that really nice garden hoses aren't really all that inexpensive?)!
Plus, she really wanted one. Ask her - she'll tell you the same thing.
So there we were, seeking out the most beautiful and long and sturdy garden hose in the local hardware store when I spied an enormous, bulging, cardboard box full of colorful items.
By colorful items, I mean shoes. Colorful shoes. In plastic. For $2.99.
Could it be? Is it possible? I thought to myself. For my mom, bless her ever-loving mind, also hates le Crocs just as much as I do. Buying her a pair of these cheap knock-offs would be the funniest thing EVER! How could I possibly pass by this opportunity, clearly fated to be a part of her birthday celebration?
I couldn't. So I did. Yes, I did.
The look on her face was priceless. Believe me. She howled like I hadn't heard her howl in ages, tears were streaming down her cheeks. She tried the god-awful fake PINK Crocs on and modeled them for us. The kids were laughing, my Dad was laughing, my husband was laughing. You'd have thought we'd just seen the video of George Bush being pelted with a shoe...but no.
It was the shoes.
My mom is such a good sport.
August came and went. Autumn came and went. Winter was upon us and I hadn't seen or heard of the fake PINK Crocs since her hilarious birthday night. Truth be told, I forgot all about them.
Our children like to take turns passing out the gifts on Christmas Eve. We help them make sure each family member has a gift and then we take turns opening them, one at a time, so everyone can see.
When I was given the very large box, one of the biggest under our tree, I got a little excited. What could this be? I thought, completely clueless since all I'd asked for was a hair dryer and a personal chef.
[By the way, you can't fit personal chefs in a box that size. Not that I got one or anything, I just know these things.]
I peeled back the wrapping paper from each end like I always do, careful not to tear the paper. No, I'm not the person who irons and reuses my wrapping paper, I just have a thing about ripping into it too much. I slipped my finger under the small pieces of tape holding the brown box shut and prepared to be amazed. I pulled out the layers of tissue paper, one at a time, and...
Oh. My. God.
The fake PINK Crocs!
The bad news is, I got a pair of horrendous, fake PINK Crocs for Christmas.
The good news is, now they are mine to do with as I please.
Who has the next birthday?