Friday, January 02, 2009

Merry CROCmas

Once upon a time, I wrote about Crocs.

And I found out that I wasn't the only person on the planet who thinks these glorified clown shoes are an abomination in regards to footwear.

Now, I am no shoe queen. I'm really plain and boring when it comes to shoes. I get excited when I see a discounted pair of pumps at Target. Even more so if they are sparkly and some ridiculous color.

All the better to wear for fun, I say.

So what is my problem with le Crocs, you may ask?

I just think they are ridiculous.

Unless you are a doctor, or a professional gardener, or mucking around in the mud with them, or you are under the age of five. But I've already said all of that.

My mom's birthday was in August and all she wanted for her birthday was a new garden hose. Yes, we are all about practical presents in this fragile economy and there is absolutely nothing wrong with purchasing a garden hose for someone's birthday gift (and did you know that really nice garden hoses aren't really all that inexpensive?)!

Plus, she really wanted one. Ask her - she'll tell you the same thing.

So there we were, seeking out the most beautiful and long and sturdy garden hose in the local hardware store when I spied an enormous, bulging, cardboard box full of colorful items.

By colorful items, I mean shoes. Colorful shoes. In plastic. For $2.99.

Could it be? Is it possible? I thought to myself. For my mom, bless her ever-loving mind, also hates le Crocs just as much as I do. Buying her a pair of these cheap knock-offs would be the funniest thing EVER! How could I possibly pass by this opportunity, clearly fated to be a part of her birthday celebration?

I couldn't. So I did. Yes, I did.

The look on her face was priceless. Believe me. She howled like I hadn't heard her howl in ages, tears were streaming down her cheeks. She tried the god-awful fake PINK Crocs on and modeled them for us. The kids were laughing, my Dad was laughing, my husband was laughing. You'd have thought we'd just seen the video of George Bush being pelted with a shoe...but no.

It was the shoes.

My mom is such a good sport.

August came and went. Autumn came and went. Winter was upon us and I hadn't seen or heard of the fake PINK Crocs since her hilarious birthday night. Truth be told, I forgot all about them.

Our children like to take turns passing out the gifts on Christmas Eve. We help them make sure each family member has a gift and then we take turns opening them, one at a time, so everyone can see.

When I was given the very large box, one of the biggest under our tree, I got a little excited. What could this be? I thought, completely clueless since all I'd asked for was a hair dryer and a personal chef.

[By the way, you can't fit personal chefs in a box that size. Not that I got one or anything, I just know these things.]

I peeled back the wrapping paper from each end like I always do, careful not to tear the paper. No, I'm not the person who irons and reuses my wrapping paper, I just have a thing about ripping into it too much. I slipped my finger under the small pieces of tape holding the brown box shut and prepared to be amazed. I pulled out the layers of tissue paper, one at a time, and...

Oh. My. God.

The fake PINK Crocs!

The bad news is, I got a pair of horrendous, fake PINK Crocs for Christmas.

The good news is, now they are mine to do with as I please.

Who has the next birthday?

25 comments:

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Genius. And hysterical.

Valarie Lea said...

Oh my Gosh! Its the traveling pink crocs!!!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Excellent!!

CK said...

Oh my MIL lives in them. I hate them too. I just think they are the ugliest things. She gave me a pair of fake orange crocs once - i immediately took them to our local goodwill-type store. haha.

OHmommy said...

I am still laughing at your title.... so funny! I too think they are the ugliest things ever.

I can't get over the fact of how many of my old college girlfriends, now on facebook, have pics of them wearing Crocs.

Kyla said...

That is great! LOL. Gotta love those gifts that keep on giving.

Mr Lady said...

BITE YOUR TONGUE, WOMAN.

Anneli said...

That's amazing! XD Crocs are one of two types of shoes I cannot stand, I think they're absolutely disgusting and that they need to be wiped off the face of the earth! The other type is Uggs.

Ali said...

Okay, I'll be that girl. I like 'em. I wear 'em. Okay, I'm going to leave now, and pretend that no one just heard me say that out loud.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I agree that they aren't exactly the most attractive things. But, my gosh, have you actually ever worn the things? Way comfortable. And really good for sneaking around the house in the morning before anyone else gets up...preventing anyone else from getting up...

LindaJ said...

The next birthday is Brett's. But you can give gifts for Valentines, Easter, Mother's Day...Maybe your dad would like them for his birthday...

San Diego Momma said...

Oh Thank God. My birthday just passed.

Also, I've found that fake pink plastic does not burn well, so good luck with that.

flutter said...

That is CLASSIC!

Ann(ie) said...

haaaaaaaa!! I love it!

Julienne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Julienne said...

Oh that is hilarious!

My cousins, Mom and I have been passing around first a plastic frog and now a giant deer head. The goal is to get it to the other in such a way that it is nearly impossible to top. The last time we got it to them, we shimmied into the crawlspace and hung the head so it would be the first thing my cousin Nick would see when he wandered down there again. We came home to find it in our dormer window wearing a scarf and 'Elmer Fudd-hat' (they actually 'broke' into our house to do this).

So....you should pass it on in an even more outrageous way! It's fun (or insane, I'm really no sure which).

Sheila @ Dr Cason.org said...

Crocs are huge here- the Japanense tourists love them!

We haven't caved. :)

Well actually I caved a little a few months ago and bought my son a similar style. He tripped at daycare in them and had 7 stitches in his head.

Idiot Mommy- I should have trusted my instincts and left them well enough alone.

bubbleandsqueak.fr said...

Hi there, I agree with what you say! and just think of all the millions of plastic shoes now in existence allover the world.

I have to admit though, that I have two pairs of crocs - they are original. I tell myself that I am actually a grown up 5 year old who plays around in the mud a lot. They are the best things for it, really.
Not pink though.

love your blog btw,
Lune x

Little Miss Sunshine State said...

I hope your family does make this a tradition. Can you picture someone in your family opening a gift 50 years from now and saying
"Oh, look! Great-grandmom's PINK CROCS!!"

monstergirlee said...

OMG someone who hates crocs as much as I do. They are Abomination.
(my brother wears a pair of lines crocs all winter - shudder....)

monstergirlee said...

I mean Lined as in fake sheepskin lined crocs. double shudder..

mamikaze said...

That is too funny! You better save them and pass them back to her when she's not looking. I hate crocs and everything about them.

I asked for a hair dryer for Christmas, too! I got a brown one.

wyliekat said...

This is the beginning of a beautiful gift swap. I've seen how those work and they're awesome.

That said, I don't want 'em. I have caved and now own croc sandals, but they are comfy, and non-croc like, so I forgive them.

painted maypole said...

ha ha ha

gag gifts are a hoot! I love it, and when they are so personal like that, even better (I hate crocs, too, but i think I've said that before)

and this: "You'd have thought we'd just seen the video of George Bush being pelted with a shoe...but no."

tee hee hee

Auds at Barking Mad said...

LMAO!

What an awesome new Christmas tradition. I bet your hubby and dad are just cringing at the thought of getting the pink crocs. Oh Lord...you've got to video it if you ever do anything like that.

*lol* This was great Carrie...just brilliant!