Friday, August 29, 2008

A Bitchin' Bitchfest Blog Exchange, Brought to you by Her Bad Mother's Basement

When I saw the invitation to join in the Bitchin' Bitchfest Blog Exchange, I couldn't resist.

You mean a chance to rant/vent/complain/whine/bitch somewhere other than my own blog? Sign me up!

And so she did, and here we are.

Please extend a warm welcome to my anonymous Bitchin' Bitchfest Blog Exchange guest. I am calling her post "The Other Woman That Never Was." I hope she doesn't mind.

A "friend" of mine tried to steal my husband.

It all started way before he was my husband. We had been dating a few years and went to separate colleges but were only a few hours away from each other. We had our ups and downs like most couples do. My "friend" went to the same college as my husband and they became very close. Best friends. So close in fact that she started taking him to all of her sorority date parties and formals, and her sorority sisters started calling him "boyfriend" because he hung around so much.

Those things bothered me a little, but never enough to say anything. I knew that all of it could easily just be a best friend type thing and that I was probably overreacting because I was far away and feeling left out. So I let it go and never said a word.

Then one day we broke up over something that I can't even remember now, but of course we got back together just a few weeks later. I went down to visit him and my "friend" was there. And she was mad. I later found out that she had told everyone (we had A LOT of mutual friends that all went to school there) that she wished we weren't dating, that she hated me, and wanted me out of his life.

Of course this started a whole big thing. She was obviously angry, and obviously trusted our friends more than she should have. Then I was angry, but also paranoid. I had no idea what was going on when I wasn't around, what she was saying to him about me, or what she would try to do. I told my boyfriend my fears, but insisted that it wasn't true, that she really did like me. He was completely oblivious to the game she was playing, but I was not.

He would come visit me every other weekend or so, and while he was visiting she would call him. Continuously. He would leave his AIM account open on my computer and she would send him messages telling him she loved him and missed him. One night she called, drunk, and was screaming so loud I could hear her across the room. She was telling him she loved him and begging him to come back to their town so she could see him. She kept saying how much she "needed" him.

After that, he kept his phone on silent when he was with me, to keep her from ruining anything. But he still insisted that they were just friends and that she didn't mean anything serious when she said those things. At the time, I thought he was lying. It made me insecure, about our relationship and about myself. Later I realized that he is just COMPLETELY FUCKING OBLIVIOUS when it comes to stuff like that.

But it all came to a head one Valentine's Day. He had spent the night at my place. I got up earlier than he did because I had to work. I wanted to check my email before I left, so I used his laptop because it was already up and running. A "you've got mail" type thing popped up saying he had a message. From her.

I know it sounds horrible, but I couldn't help but check it. If she would call him all the time to tell him she loved him, what would she do on Valentine's Day?

My worst fears were acknowledged when I opened up his inbox. The subject line was: "Because I love you." Of course, I couldn't resist opening it after seeing a heading like that. So I did.

Do you know what was inside? A butt-ass naked picture of herself, all dolled up in too much make-up, laying on a red velvet blanket.

I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I immediately blamed him, though he had no idea what was going on at the time. I cried so much that I called in sick to work. I emailed her the most flaming, worst email you could possibly imagine. He told me she had never sent him anything like that before, but I just didn't know if I could believe him. I didn't know if I could trust him. It made me second-guess our relationship, and wonder if anything more had ever happened between the two of them.

She actually had the balls to email me back and tell me that the picture was "Just a joke."

I was angry, but I kept it together. I didn't tell most of our mutual friends what was happening because I didn't want to start World War III. I just started ignoring her. My boyfriend transferred over to the college that I went to. When we were all home, I avoided places that I knew she would be, and she started telling everyone that I was jealous of her. That I wished I was as pretty as she was. But for the most part I just ignored her. We were rarely around her anymore so I told her to kiss my ass, and that was that.

Fast forward several years to our engagement (through several other bitchy incidents that are really too numerous to mention). When she found out we were engaged, my "friend" was calling my soon-to-be husband and begging him not to marry me, telling him that I was just a bitch and a whore, and I could not be trusted. Telling him that he was too young to get married, but most of all, that he deserved much better than me. Between that, and several myspace blogs of hers telling the world that he was her SOUL MATE and she wished she could take their relationship to a romantic level, and I put my foot down. He finally stood up to her and told her that he loved me and wouldn't have her talking about me the way that she was. He finally realized that maybe she was conniving, that maybe she did have the issues that I had been telling him about for years.

And with that, we decided that she wouldn't be invited to the wedding. She threw a fit, telling everyone how horrible I was. Unfortunately for her, all of our friends knew what was going on by then. They were determined that our wedding would not end up like "My Best Friend's Wedding." Oh, no. One of our mutual friends even decided not to come to the wedding. She stayed with my "friend" all day because she was worried that, if left to her own devices, she would get drunk, crash the wedding and ruin our day.

Several months later, when we announced that we were going to have a baby, she finally backed down. She emailed me an apology for all of the horrible things she had done to me and said about me. She finally, after almost 7 years, realized that we were actually a couple, and there was nothing she could do about it.

I may have forgiven her, or at least let it blow over since we live several states away now, but trust me. I will NEVER forget.

- anonymous


wyliekat said...

I can't imagine enduring the battery to self-esteem that must've taken place. Someone determined to tell your partner that you're not right for them - for SEVEN years.

It's nice that you and your relationship survived.

Chelle said...

I cannot believe she continued for seven long years.

I am glad that he opened his eyes to the situation and that you two are still together!

I don't think I could ever forgive someone like that or let that blow over. That is just too much to endure and too much heartache on you, hon.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Grey Street said...

Bitches and hoes. Bitches. And. Hoes.

I've fought that fight myself. Some women are awful....

Kyla said...

Wow. I can't imagine dealing with that and surviving it as a couple. You must have a very strong relationship.

LindaJ said...

Ya'all know that this not Carrie right??? It's a secret post from some one else.

Interesting story.....hummmm


Domestic Extraordinaire said...

Wow, what a nut job. I am glad that you finally forced him to open his eyes. And that your friends realized how "off" she was.

slackermommy said...

I feel your pain. I have a psycho SIL who had a hard time letting her brother go. She still tries to torture me.

Anonymous said...

How awful. My husband had a few hangers on, but nothing like this, and certainly not from anyone who had been considered a friend. Sheesh.

That's some serious commitment to each other, though, to weather that storm. Mazel tov!

whensheworeponytails said...

Absolutely, congratulations for working through that!

What a crappy friend!

Karen Sugarpants said...

Holy crap! That is BRUTAL! If you guys survived that, I'm certain you can survive anything.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

That sounds like a lady that was begging for an ass kicking. Mind you....I am NOT the fighting kind......but REALLY! That is just insanse!

Anonymous said...

I admire your patience. I would have probably killed her. You won, though. That has to be worth something. ;-)

Immoral Matriarch said...

Oh my gosh. I really, really wanna beat her ass. You are a marvelous woman. This is probably the best bitchfest I've read so far!

Britt said...

holy crap! what a psycho bitch!

Anonymous said...

This sounds so familiar. I have been married 25 years and my former friend (my hubby's former fiance) and my SIL(who also was once my best friend) still gossip about how miserable my hubby is without her. Sheesh! I feel like they are still in highschool. Thankfully hubby doesn't give either one the time of day. Thanks for sharing your story-from one survivor to another.