Friday, January 25, 2008

In The Wee Small Hours

I never have been a heavy sleeper.

Even when I was a child, I remember lying awake while my family slept, slumbered and snored the night away, usually without me. I remember staying with my grandparents and listening to the nocturnal sounds of my Nanny as she watered the plants, cleaned house, caught up on her crosswords and just "tinkered" about the house.

All alone.

Never did I inform her of my wakefulness.

I just remained in that state between deep sleep and relaxation, comforted by the knowledge that she was up. A feeling of safe enveloping my body, a calm wrapped around me.

I've been having trouble sleeping.

No new thing.

I thrive in the hours after my children go to bed. I relish the "alone time" and try to use it wisely and to great benefit. Sometimes watching television, sometimes reading, sometimes soaking in the tub.

Always, I do chores. The laundry that is left. The dishes that are left. The clutter that is left. The organizing of school things for the next day. The picking up of toys, belonging to children as well as dogs, left all over the house.

Or like tonight, at 1am, the bringing out of the garbage in the frigid cold because we forgot that tomorrow is pick-up day.

It's lonely in the night, when I check on my sleeping kids and kiss my husband (who wakes for nothing) as I make my rounds until the off-balance washing machine beckons me with an immediateness that cannot be ignored.

As I reposition the towels and other heavy things in the wash tub, I think about those above me, my children. I wonder which one of them, if any, are in that fuzzy dream-like world between the conscious and unconscious?

Which one of them hears their mother "tinkering" like an old woman in the middle of the night? And do they feel the same way I did?


Family Adventure said...

How sweet, Carrie. I like how you embrace your sleplessness.

But do you ever feel like you are not getting enough sleep? Or are you one of those lucky people for whom just a few hours a night is enough?

Happy weekend to you and your family.


Tracey said...

First, I love that picture on your header. Is it new?

I was up last night. You should have called. :) My problem is if I fall asleep in the boys' beds. I always wake up around 1 or 2, and then I'm up for the night. Or, as in today's case, till 5 am when I pass out till the alarm goes off, so I hit it and hit it and then we're running late after all...

Manic Mom said...

Interesting post... especially cuz last night my youngest was sick so we went from his room to my room back to his, and when I told my daughter how we were up all night, she asked, "Did you come check in on me?"

Of course I did. I always check on them!

Thanks for visiting Manic Mom!

painted maypole said...

i love this.

i am a late night person, too.

Kellan said...

This was a beautiful post Carrie!!! I just loved all of it! I can relate to so much of it, as I am a night person and I am always tinkering about in the late hours. This was so well written and such a great story. Thanks Carrie - have a good weekend. Kellan

Kellan said...

I meant to tell you earlier that I love the new header - VERY CUTE!!

Tamara said...

I LOVE your glass half full view of insomnia! I hope you get some sleep tonight. :)

Left Coast Sister said...

Ah, the sweet quiet post-bedtime hours! How I can relate!!

Kyla said...

Me, too. Except most nights Josh is up late, too.

Ann(ie) said...

I do the VERY SAME THING. All the damn time. I'm loving your new look...that picture couldn't be any cuter!!!

jen said...

ah yes. i'm too tired to tinker, but i love the thought of it.

OHmommy said...

How sweet. And how sweet is your new header. It is new, yes? I am in love with it.

Cathy said...

You just described my nights too.

Great post.