Wednesday, December 19, 2007

A Gift From The Mailbox

As I stand over the recycling bin sorting the junk from the real mail, I see the envelope.

It is the size of a Christmas Card.

There are Unicef stickers all over it.

And the chicken-scratch scrawl of an elderly hand, in red ink.

Before I get to the kitchen, where lies my letter opener, I have ripped the envelope open.

I want so badly to read what she's written, even if it isn't very much.

Last year, she had to have a helper write her cards for her - this year she's done them herself, even before I've mailed her mine. She writes that she wishes us all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. She writes a little extra for the kids, telling them she hopes that Santa brings them all that they want.

I know this must've taken a long time to write. The words do not come as easily anymore.

But receiving this card each year from my Grandmother's best friend reminds me how much I miss her. As the tears form and I try desperately to blink them away, I am flooded with her memory, her being and her grace.

The sweater that hangs in my closet calls my name and all I want to do is bury my face in it, close my eyes and tell myself that it still smells like her, fifteen years later.

I can't admit that it could possibly be all in my head.

Fifteen years, fifteen Christmases. A wedding. Three births.

So many memories.

People say that it gets better, as time goes by, but the hole in my heart tells another story.


Alexandra's World said...

Aw!! That's so sweet!

Oh, The Joys said...

I know, I know.


LindaJ said...

I'm right there with you babe....It's been 9 Christmas's 2 adoptions, and countless hear aches too.

your cousin said...

Whether it's been 15 years or not yet 15 days the hole is unimaginable. I'm sending you my love and many hugs. I'll see you on Christmas... with our grandma.

Anonymous said...

What a lovely tribute to your "Nanny". I think of her so often and know how lucky your Dad was to have her. Her friend Bebo is a joy in our upbeat and positive. And totaly sincere, which is the best part. She looks at your Dad, and you, and your kids... and misses her wonderful friend.


(I think I started signing all of the x's and o's because of her, too!)

Redneck Mommy said...

I miss my grandma so much right now it hurts.

Wishing you peace.

flutter said...

I am so with you babe.

Mrs. Chicken said...

This time of year is especially hard. Grief never ends. It just gets worn down. The edges get softer, but sometimes you still get a sharp point.

I'm so sorry to feel your sorrow. Thinking of you.

Cathy said...


How sweet of her friend to do this each year -- that's beautiful.

Kellan said...

I have that same void for my sweet grandfather that passed away 5 years ago - they are all in heaven together having the best time! Take care. Kellan

Becky said...

i relate to this so much