A Sure Thing

Things I am sure of:

• that 3-day weekends are much more enjoyable when you have some big, exciting plans and your husband doesn't have to work (instead of blocks of idle time in which the kids construct random things from cardboard boxes and then refuse to clean them up).



• that people who begin lighting fireworks off in May should be put in jail.



• that it isn't fair that when you have a cold, and you can't taste anything, that calories should count (I mean, give a girl a break - if she can't taste it, why should it go directly to her hips - do not pass go, do not collect $100).



• that if you take your darling daughter to preschool and you overhear another parent delcaring her son not to be contagious from his "pinkeye" infection - he's on antibiotics and he's completely fine - you should turn around and high-tail it out of there as quickly as possible.



• that if you don't, your child will have the dreaded eye infection a few days later and you will spend an insane amount of time wiping neon-green goo from her eye.



• that you should not take a 3-year-old to see Spiderman 3.



• that if you pick up The Road, by Cormac McCarthy, you will not be able to put it down until you've finished it.



• that I still looooove watching The Joy Luck Club, especially in bed at 8 o'clock on a Saturday night.



• that the makers of Nyquil should receive some sort of award.

• that I am sick of the whole Rosie O'Donnell vs. Elizabeth Hasselbeck controversy (and I haven't even seen the actual episode in which all the latest drama occurred).



• that Puffs Plus brand tissues rock.



• that 10-year-old girls who stand on the sidewalk across the street from your house waiting for your son to notice them need something better to do with their time.



• that I am beginning to be able to breathe out of one side of my nose again, and I feel like the luckiest woman on the face of the earth.



• that as soon as I'm feeling better, I'll correct the mounting pile of homework packets that McRae's teacher sent home for me to grade . . . last week.

After posting this earlier, I am even more convinced that 10-year-old girls are completely nuts (please convince me otherwise, I am begging here). Where do I begin? Thursday and Friday were visited with stops to our front lawn by gril #1 in McRae's class. She was accompanied by her 27-year-old "neighbor" (who I am convinced is anything if a little "off" as normal 27-year-old females do not walk their 10-year-old neighbors 2 miles to some boys house she has a crush on). Girl #1 is best friends with Girl #2 (both of whom McRae tells me are his "girlfriends" no matter how many times I say that you can be friends with girls, but you are too damn young for "girlfriends"). Ugh!

Tonight, both girls (and the weird "neighbor" girl) come to the door.

What to do? What to do?

I do as any good-intentioned mother would do, I spy on them.

I want to know exactly what is going on here. I thought I'd done the right thing Friday night by introducing myself to Girl #1's escort and reminding her that I knew who her parents were and that if she wanted to come over and it was okay with her folks, it was alright with me. I told her to have her parents call me, or that she could use our phone and call them. I tried to remain as approachable as possible, open, a cool mom.

I am not opposed to McRae "having friends that are girls". I am opposed to having him sucked into their drama. I do not want him seeing them as "his", as objects. I do not think it's appropriate for them to be telling him that they went to bratz.com and did a love test and this is what it said about him and Girl #2 when they entered their names (this is what I learned while "spying").

What ever happened to just hanging out? Climbing trees and skipping rocks into the creek? Why must it all be about who is going with whom, and how much time someone spends with another person compared to another?

Does my son need a lesson in polygamy?

Did I mention that he has a picture of these two girls on his bulletin board?

Did I remind you that he is in the 4th grade????????

*pulling hair out of head now, thank you*