Monday, September 20, 2010

How to Discipline a Football Player

Oh, it had been a day.

A real day indeed.

After consuming nearly every calorie in the house and then some my 13 year-old had the nerve to ask for dessert. Are you kidding me? I thought to myself as I tallied up the eggs, cheese, cereal, bananas, yogurt, macaroni and cheese, carrots, cucumbers, celery, hummus, granola bars and let's not mention all the liquid he had consumed over the course of the day. This kid is going to eat me out of house and home!

So dessert was definitely not something on the list of Sunday evening activities. Instead, I tried to entice he and his siblings into sitting still and watching a nice family movie with me until bedtime.

That lasted about 10 minutes.

Let me repeat myself, dessert was not going to be happening.

Anyway, it seems like somewhere between last Halloween and now, my kids have eaten more candy and junk than I ever did...before college, that totally doesn't count. We used to be a house that didn't allow the on-going consumption of empty calories. I had a no soda rule. I cringed at the sight of a Hershey's bar (unless it was in the middle of a s'more...that totally doesn't count either) and I tried with all my might to make any candy received during the holidays disappear with in a week or two.

And then there would be none, candy that is.

I don't know what happened between then and now, I blame the dog (it's always his fault anyway).

But I digress.

Sugar can't be the only reason my 13 year-old lost his ever lovin' mind Sunday night. There's got to be something else going on besides an all out crash from all the junk he had eaten during the day, right? I mean, he is 13 and all...isn't back talking required for all 13 year-olds?

Which leads me to my new form of punishment for back talking 13 year-olds: the tackle.

I was busy loading the dinner dishes into the dishwasher and there was some silly commotion taking place amongst kids who were supposed to be brushing their teeth but were instead arguing over a memory foam pillow.

I had had it!

I gave warnings, several of them, to my tribe of crazy children, warning the oldest that he'd better ratchet it back and follow directions (since he was the ringleader in this case) or else there would be consequences.

Just like that, he lost his mind.

Just like that, I lost my patience.

I started in, yelling about disrespecting his mother and the universe and why oh why can't you just brush your teeth and go to bed like a normal child?

And then he laughed.

And I laughed.

And although he'd already lost iPod privileges for a week because of his sassy mouth, I had to prove my point: that I was indeed, the one in charge here.

And so I tackled him.

Just like a linebacker.

See? I am learning something from watching him play football after all.

Let me know if this works for you.


Liz said...

LOL!!!!! Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Been there. Done that. lol.


Jennette said...

Guffaw! Oh, it works alright! Like a charm! So does the sprayer at the kitchen sink! But tackle and tickle is more my usual m.o. :)

Anonymous said...

My kids are wayyy bigger than me, and they wrestle, and do mma, so tackling would land me through the drywall, but they do love humor in these scenarios. I feel so sorry for these poor testosterone laden years. It's such a burden for them. We had to give up on the whole family watching shows together for a while because it would just end badly. But, funny enough, as the kids come into their own a bit, they'll ask to watch a movie or show together. Then I feel like I have to make a total production of it, of course!

April said...

Any chance you got that on video??


Jaclyn said...

Hi! I'm local from Seattle and I'm a fellow mom blogger! Saw your blog on Seattle Mom Blogs!