Friday, June 04, 2010

Now I Know

Up until now, I've been a pretty casual participant in any causes that have come my way. Casual, as in the sense that whatever good I was doing didn't have much to do with my everyday life. Until now. Even helping put together the cervical cancer event last month, although near and dear to my heart because I lost my grandmother to cervical cancer, wasn't affecting my life...RIGHT NOW.

But things have definitely changed.

Until now, I've been on the outside looking in. Pressing my palms up against a pane of glass that had the real people on the other side. Those people weren't me or my loved ones. Those people were going through it RIGHT NOW.

I decided to do the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 2 days before my mom's breast cancer diagnosis on May 18th.

Right now, I am those people.

I am the one with a loved one who has cancer.

And if you've ever felt the pain of seeing your own mother look you in the eyes, terrified and scared, and tell you, "I have cancer," than you know how hard it was for me to even put those words on paper, computer screen, even to say them outloud.

My mom has breast cancer.

I sat at Wyatt's baseball game the other night, talking about the Race for the Cure with someone (who also happens to be my chiropractor - an awesome one at that) who has done it a few times and she introduced me to her friend whose mother had been through the same thing, 12 years ago. I listened as she told me about her mom's fight and win against breast, uterine, and then another type of cancer. She told me that is why she walks the walk.

She asked me how long it had been since my mom's diagnosis and I sat there, wearing my new pink ribbon hat given to me by my good friend, and tried to count the days. Three weeks? I told her. Not really sure because I didn't have a calendar in front of me, it felt like about three weeks so that's what I said.

"She'll be ok," she told me.

And I believe her.

When I got home I checked the calendar. Not because I'd written the day of the diagnosis on there, but because my inner organizational freak (you'd never know it looking at my kitchen sink right now) was really wanting to know exactly how long it had been.

Two weeks.

She was diagnosed on the anniversary of the Mt. St. Helens eruption.

Damn volcanoes anyway.

Two weeks.

In two weeks we have organized a team of 12 to walk and/or run in the Race for the Cure and have raised over $1,600 for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. We've been given pink bracelets to wear. We've made buttons. I've become a team captain and try every day to make sure everyone on our team is getting the information they need. My friend Kim has been not only a wealth of information on participating in a 5K (she's got a few of them under her belt), but she's also picked up pink ribbon mardi gras beads, bright pink flower leis and the supplies for the buttons at the craft store. And...she motivates me every day to walk, and sometimes even run.

I even ran up a hill the other day and this morning, I got out of bed at 6:45AM to walk our 5K IN THE RAIN.

If we can do all of that in only 2 weeks...imagine what we can do for the course of my mom's treatment?

Just imagine...

We're going to rock this thing mom. I promise. And you're going to be just fine. I can feel it in my bones.


Sarah Alston said...

Carrie, once again, your blog has brought me to tears. You are such a wonderful daughter, and now that I've met you, your mom must be wonderful, as well, to have raised you to be the woman that you are.

I can't wait until Sunday...let's kick cancer's butt!


Anonymous said...

It seems like a loooong time to me, too.

Somehow, saying "cancer" out loud, and telling about it, a little at a time, helps.

Waiting for the surgery is hard. I'm so glad there are so many people out there, rooting for us all.


Anonymous said...


I love that Katie is on my button! I plan to know her ( & her brothers) for a long time. Talk about inspiration!


carsick said...

Good luck to you and all of Janes Jugs!
My mom also battled breast cancer. I'm glad she has you to be with her.

Michelle said...

So many healing, positive thoughts coming to your mom. We're doing the Race for the Cure in September, it's a yearly tradition for our family.

Liz said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis! I'll be praying for her!

All Adither said...

I'll be rooting for Jane's Jugs. You go, girls!!!

Naptime Notes said...

Um, ok, I'm sobbing now.
Of all the cancers to have, breast cancer seems to be the "best". They all suck, no matter what. But breast cancer seems to elicit so much support, and positivity from others. I have thought of Jane so many days in the last I guess two weeks it's been since you shared with the world her diagnosis. This woman, I've never even met has changed MY life. Thank you for sharing her story, your story, and I'm so proud to show my support to not only her, but ALL women by being a part of Jane's Jugs!!! Go team!

flutter said...

I am so proud of you and I know your mom will kick the heck out of this disease


Go Jane Go Carrie Go Jane Go Carrie Go Jane Go Carrie Go Jane Go Carrie Go Jane Go Carrie Go Jane Go Carrie!

You both have so many people on your side and everything will be just fine! John and Brenda

your cousin said...

Your mom, my auntie, will be MORE than fine. She will flourish and thrive, as she always has.

I will see you in the morning, with bells on my walking shoes.

I love you!

Kyla said...

Nothing but my very best thoughts for her and ALL that love her.

Jen said...

You are amazing and I am so proud of you! All of my best to your mother and to everyone who loves her.

maggie, dammit said...

"Team Jane's Jugs" -- I love it.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I've seen a lot of grace in the face of awfulness, and you seem to be displaying that now. Be gentle with yourself.

Love to you and yours.

crazymer1 said...

What a wonderful gift you have with words.

Stacey said...

I left a really long comment and know it seems to have disappeared. Bah!

I have been in your place. My mom was diagnosed in 2007. Today she is doing wonderfully!

Call, email or text if ever you feel the need. Also, my mom would be more than happy to make herself available to your mom via email or phone should she want it. Sometimes it helps to speak to someone who's been there.


Stacey said...

oops I meant "now"

Also...her story is here if it's of any use to you

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