Wednesday, June 30, 2010

An Extension

The big day will be here tomorrow - bright and early.

I have no idea how it will all play out, how many cars we'll be bringing, how much coffee we'll be drinking, how long we'll be waiting to hear her voice again.

The past few weeks have been hard. I'm not going to lie. It's hard waiting, mostly. She's doing remarkable though, fueled by the love and support of everyone around her. She's holding her chin up.

It's funny (not ha ha funny, more ironic funny) that she was diagnosed in such close proximity to the Race for the Cure - for I don't know if I'd be doing so well were it not for experiencing that event. I'm still riding on the high that day brought. I've never been a part of a "cause" in such a personal capacity. Yes, I've supported a ton of causes, but none for my own mom. Not like that.

Being surrounded in a sea of pink and tears and smiles was just the antidote to the fear and worry that I was experiencing. Seeing survivors from 1 - 45 years was beyond inspiring...especially knowing that next year, my own mom can walk with them - wearing her bright pink survivor shirt like a badge, a declaration, an announcement to the world that "I beat cancer, cancer didn't beat me."

I can't wait for that day.

Walking along with our team, the team we assembled in 2 short weeks, I felt supported. I felt loved. And I felt understood. I tried to walk and talk with everyone - tried to let them know how important it was to me that they chose to be here with us, on this rainy Seattle Sunday morning when I'm sure the newspaper and a hot cup of joe would have been tons more appealing, but here they were - walking for my mom.

Cousin Jen, Lotte and Colleen

It was overwhelming.

I walked with people I've known since birth. People I've known since childhood. People I've known since high school and people I've only known for 10 years. I walked with new friends and friends I'd just hardly met. I walked with my husband. And there we were, walking walking walking. Some knew how I felt. Some had been there. Solidarity never felt so good.

Jennette, Kim and Me

I will never be able to thank them enough, for giving me the strength that I could pass along to my mom, as she fights. Thank you Team Jane's Jugs.

I hugged her tight the other night, standing in the kitchen. Even though I'm just about a half inch taller than her now (and here you thought you'd always be taller than me, mom), I still feel like she's taller...

"I could stay like this forever," she said.

"Me too mom."

That's the funny thing about moms. Even when you're 37, even when you're the one supposed to be comforting her, even then - she takes care of you.

Mom and Me, 1973

Tonight I'm getting my hair done. Not really "done" done, just fiddled with a bit. I'm getting a bright pink hair extension placed atop my head.

(Need to remove this from "Things I'd never do at age 37" list immediately)

Turns out, they actually make breast cancer awareness pink hair extensions. And my sister-in-law's cousin just so happens to be one of the few hair designers who puts them in people's hair. And she's local!

How could I not?

I mean, seriously, how could I not?

So, come tomorrow morning at the surgical center, I'll not only be rocking all the love, support and everything else under the sun for my momma. I'll also be rocking some pink hair, holding her hand, and telling her to fight like a girl.

Because defeat isn't in our vocabulary.

Go Mom.


Michelle said...

So many thoughts and prayers coming her way!

Lotte said...

This was a beautiful posting Carrie, I had tears in my eyes. Many hugs, much love and multitudes of "let's fight this!!!" mantras coming you and your mom's way. Will be thinking of you both. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Sniff. Thought I was over that part.

I'm supposed to be taking things easy today. Just left the arms of MY Mom, who at 92 is also supporting me. Thank you, Carrie, for being you.

And thanks to ALL of the team..... there are a lot of us out there who need your continued good vibes.


Miller Family said...

Tears flow and encouraging words are being prayed right now to the Lord that is in control. He will help your mom fight. He will keep you strong during this fight. Lean on Him and pray! Many, Many hugs and prayers sent your way Carrie (and your mom too)!!

Amanda said...

Oh, Carrie. You are amazing. She is amazing. And, man, the vocabulary we have for witnessing the courage and strength. I'll be thinking of you and waggling pink things this way and that from my corner of the world.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I will be thinking good thoughts for your mother.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I will be thinking good thoughts for your mother.

jetcity said...

I love the pink hair extension idea! I hope you post pictures. Your mom is in my prayers, and I bet she is proud of the strong and courageous daughter she has raised.

Tonia Hammack said...

Carrie, I am thinking of you and your mom, and your whole family for that matter! Good luck tomorrow! I LOVE the pink hair extension! I cannot wait to see it! Take care and hugs to you all!


Carrie said...

Beautiful post- I'll be praying for everything to go well. Hugs to you and your mom.

Jennette Nielsen said...

Carrie - Bawling. Cant stop bawling. Biggest smooches and hugs to Mama Jane. You amaze me Carrie - you are such an inspiration,so lovely. I just adore you and am honored to call you friend. I love you Bear! You are so awesomesauce I can hardly stand it! May the Force be With You! I love you to pieces and send Oceans of Love and Light to you and Mama Jane.

Scout's Honor said...

I am thinking about you and crossing my fingers and sending all my good ju-ju her way.


Kendra said...

I'm so late to this. I'm sure you have already written updates. But I wanted you to know I've been thinking of you guys, and the pink hair extensions are awesome!