There I was, standing in my bathroom, scissors in one hand, 6 or more (I didn't measure) inches of grown out bangs in the other.
I know. I know.
I should have gone somewhere.
I should have paid someone.
But in the land of oh-dear-lord-if-i-have-to-deal-with-this-hair-for-just-one-more-minute-i-will-surely-die, I had to do something about it. And I had to do it now.
So I cut myself some bangs. Did them up just right. Or so I thought. Until I dried them and realized that no, they were not cute and no, no matter how hard I try to convince myself - I am not a beautician. Or a hair stylist. Or a hair master. Or whatever else you call people who can turn an ordinary mop of hair into a beautiful masterpiece. I am none of it.
I will never learn.
But, the damage was done. Now I had to face the jury.
"I love your bangs mommy!" Said my daughter (she knows what side of the bread her butter is on)
"Your hair looks good." Said my 13 year-old (he was trying to redeem himself from a long day of eye rolling)
"It's cute honey - you look like that girl in The Watchmen." Said my husband (who was just trying to be nice and avoid a tearful breakdown on my part - it worked)
"Did you cut your own hair?" Asked my 11 year-old, one eyebrow raised.
"Yes, how do you like it?"
"Um...you shouldn't have done that."
I can always count on him, my child of truth justice and absolutely no gray area, to tell it like it is. But I have just one little piece of advice for him, if he ever wants to learn the fine art of complimenting a female: Just say it looks nice.
You don't have to lie. You don't have to bend the truth. But when it comes to your momma's hair, just say it looks nice.
Even if it's sticking up in the back like a porcupine - a la Kate Gosselin (do you think her kids ever called her out on that hairdo? I doubt it) - just say it looks nice.
Even if it looks like she just woke up from a nap on the couch (not that I'd know anything about that) - just say it looks nice.
Even if you see a gray hair or two or fifty - just say it looks nice.
Because you never know what kind of embarrassing baby photos your mother can dig up and post on the Internet.
Consider this a warning.