Tuesday, April 27, 2010

How to Give a Compliment

There I was, standing in my bathroom, scissors in one hand, 6 or more (I didn't measure) inches of grown out bangs in the other.

Snip.

I know. I know.

I should have gone somewhere.

I should have paid someone.

A professional.

But in the land of oh-dear-lord-if-i-have-to-deal-with-this-hair-for-just-one-more-minute-i-will-surely-die, I had to do something about it. And I had to do it now.

So I cut myself some bangs. Did them up just right. Or so I thought. Until I dried them and realized that no, they were not cute and no, no matter how hard I try to convince myself - I am not a beautician. Or a hair stylist. Or a hair master. Or whatever else you call people who can turn an ordinary mop of hair into a beautiful masterpiece. I am none of it.

I will never learn.

But, the damage was done. Now I had to face the jury.

"I love your bangs mommy!" Said my daughter (she knows what side of the bread her butter is on)

"Your hair looks good." Said my 13 year-old (he was trying to redeem himself from a long day of eye rolling)

"It's cute honey - you look like that girl in The Watchmen." Said my husband (who was just trying to be nice and avoid a tearful breakdown on my part - it worked)

"Did you cut your own hair?" Asked my 11 year-old, one eyebrow raised.

"Yes, how do you like it?"

"Um...you shouldn't have done that."

I can always count on him, my child of truth justice and absolutely no gray area, to tell it like it is. But I have just one little piece of advice for him, if he ever wants to learn the fine art of complimenting a female: Just say it looks nice.

You don't have to lie. You don't have to bend the truth. But when it comes to your momma's hair, just say it looks nice.

Even if it's sticking up in the back like a porcupine - a la Kate Gosselin (do you think her kids ever called her out on that hairdo? I doubt it) - just say it looks nice.

Even if it looks like she just woke up from a nap on the couch (not that I'd know anything about that) - just say it looks nice.

Even if you see a gray hair or two or fifty - just say it looks nice.

Because you never know what kind of embarrassing baby photos your mother can dig up and post on the Internet.

Consider this a warning.

You're welcome.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Oh! You cut your bangs!"


xxxooomom

The Carter Family said...

Hi Carrie! Long time no see :) It's too funny that you found me via PW's blog - I just love her!

I'm also loving your haircut post - so funny! You are a great writer...I also loved that piece you wrote for the Journal recently :) Say hi to Miss Katie for me!

Lisa said...

This blog post is beggin' for a picture. How else can I say "your bangs look nice", regardless?

Liz said...

I'm with Lisa. We really need a picture to decide which of your family members we're siding with.

Donata said...

OH, I don't know...I like the brutal truth...maybe...I don't know...

Kyla said...

KayTar was looking at pictures with my mom the other day and she said, "G, you look fat in that picture!" LOL. She doesn't pull any punches. She did tell her that it was that particular shirt making her look fat, though. That is helpful, right?

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

It TOTALLY looks great. I can say that without even seeing them. :)