Friday, January 30, 2009

Frozen

On the run.

If I were to have a motto, that would be a strong contender.

Sometimes I feel as if I am constantly on the run. Going here, going there. Doing this, doing that. The never ending pull of a life, a full life, in service to others (those being the children) creates a constant state of on the run. Constant.

And I'm not complaining.

For if it weren't for the busy, I wouldn't savor the not busy so much. Of this, I am absolutely sure.

Now that Katie has graduated from a good 'ol carseat with buckles and straps and 5-point harnesses, she has a little more freedom in her choice of seats in the car, when we are on the run. Having the luxury of a third row has offered me a nice little bargaining chip when it comes to her behavior because "if you want to sit in the waaaaaay back, you gotta be able to handle it."

And handling it means you need to behave. Something rare these days what with all the time-outing going on.

That's just the way it is with 3rd and final children. You spoil them for the first 5 years and then whammo! All of a sudden it's like mommy boot camp time, and I don't mean the kind of boot camp where mommy wakes up at 5am and goes to have her cellulite removed from her behind by a drill sargeant.

That kind of boot camp sounds absolutely relaxing compared to the kind I'm talking about.

The kind that involves back talk. And sitting on steps. And setting a timer. And reminding one not to fiddle or speak while sitting on steps. And then explaining that we do not talk that way to anyone in our family, and while you (I mean, um, she) may think it's funny - it's that kind of thing that will get her into trouble when she starts kindergarten in the fall.

(I speak from personal experience, just ask my mom.)

So yes, being able to sit in the waaaaaay back is an earned privilege. One which has not seen the light of day since December. Give or take. Which means she is in the middle row, right where I can keep an eye (and ear) on her.

If I angle my rear view mirror just right, I can see her rockin' out to some killer tunes too, but don't tell her that.

So there I am, on the go, running this way and that and I glance in that there rear view mirror at my 3rd and final child and I am struck.

I am struck because seemingly overnight her little cheeks have morphed into the graceful lines not of a little girl, but of a young lady. Suddenly, I can see her adult face looking back at me and it scares me to death. It scares me because not only do I realize just how beautiful she is, in this very moment, but I realize that it is all so fleeting - all of it.

And I just want to freeze time.

I want to hang onto this happy, full, on the run life for as long as I possibly can because these are the times, the moments, when I can't see how it could possibly get any better than it already is, right now.

It is just so damn good.

14 comments:

LindaJ said...

It scares me everytime I look at all of our kids. When? How? and Why? are the growing up so fast...Sniff Sniff.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

It can't get any better, but it can be just as good in its own way.

Anonymous said...

I like Jenn's comment. It just changes.

And one day, you are driving home from work (or wherever) and you meet your grownup daughter heading the other way, you both wave, and you keep on driving, thinking about her all the way home. And how time has flown.

xxxooomom

to sing and to dance said...

Oh, what a beautiful post.
Thank you for giving me a time-out, to appreciate the chaos.

monstergirlee said...

Wonderful post, gives me a glimpse of whats to come with my 2 yr old.
Sometimes I sit in the dark rocking her after we've read, sang, said prayers, and she's asleep in my arms. And I just hold her, feel her, smell her. I want to be able to remember this.

Little Miss Sunshine State said...

Mine is going to be 21 !!!!! in 6 weeks. When I look at her kindergarten picture, I wish I could have frozen time, when I could put her in a little plaid dress and ribbons in her hair.

But almost 21 is really good, too.

Becc said...

Thank you for your post and kudos to you for doing such a great job.
I have a 7 year old niece who has not been given the proper discipline and now that sweet little girl has turned into a child that none of us want to be near and that is sad. Her mother is a beautiful person, but it's impossible to spend time with her because of the bad behavior executed by her daughter. We were blessed by having two that were mild and came out of that stage quickly.
They are both beautiful teens now.
Enjoy the moments!!!

Blossom said...

yup yup ypu.
i hear you.I found some pics of my twins taken many years ago and I teared up looking at those sweet faces..sigh..........

OHmommy said...

Oh my gawd.... I soooo know what you mean. It is fleeting time always on the run and then you realize WOW THIS is such a great moment. I get it.

Grim Reality Girl said...

This is the glory of living in the NOW.... enjoy these moments and even better ones will come!

jen said...

this is lovely, sister.

ps. glad the other night worked out too. :)

Ann(ie) said...

I was thinking this same thing just the other day ... and started to cry...hormones are so neat! You are such a good writer, girlie!

Kellan said...

Another awsome post, Carrie - I can totally relate! It just hit me the other day that my twins are going to be 17 in April - I almost cried!

Take care - Kellan

Tricia said...

I was just lurking by...and had to comment - as soon as I wipe the tears away....there, that's better. What an awesome post. Thanks for giving me back a little perspective! Now then, away from the computer, I must go spend some time soaking up my sweet Curly Girl!