Sunday, June 29, 2008

Self Inflicted

What could be more fun that bringing your three children bra shopping?

Taking your husband swimming suit shopping, that's what!

Today marked an important milestone in the evolution of our almost 12-year marriage and even longer pairing. Today was the day my husband suggested, while we were at the mall picking up some much-needed summer essentials for our kids, that it might be a good idea if I get a new swimming suit too (he'd obviously heard me complaining about my MiracleSuit being not such a miracle after all).

I guess he knows what side his bread is buttered on.

So there we were at Macy's, thumbing through rack upon rack (no pun intended, unless you are my husband in the ladies swim section, surrounded by racks) of tops, bottoms and one-pieces. I would hold up something I thought might possibly be acceptable and he'd give me a thumbs up or a thumbs down and then I'd add it to the heavy load of hanging swimwear that was permanently taking up residence on my right arm.

Note to husband: the next time your wife takes you swimming suit shopping (or any other kind of shopping, for that matter), OFFER TO HOLD HER ITEMS!

After I'd compiled enough suits to equal a worthwhile trip to the dressing room, I grabbed his arm and headed toward the first open door I saw. I'd already scoped out the one single dressing room and decided that it would be much better to have him sit on the little bench inside rather than have me parade out in front of total strangers to model the suits.

Plus, I am not fond of people gasping and holding their hands over their mouths and then running in the other direction when they see me at Macy's, under the fluorescent lighting, in a swimsuit that would make my grandmother cry.

Also, I don't like to let my bare feet touch the floor of such places, but that is neither here nor there.

The first suit was cute. I was actually surprised, as I was not thinking that buying swimwear in 2008 would be a very good time for me.

"That's good, but try the next one," Brett said as I flung the suit at him and told him that it is always the job of the person not trying on the clothes to put whatever has just been tried on back on it's hanger. Right?

I grabbed the next suit in line, a simple black tank with a pink trim on the bust and pink straps.

Brett muttered something about how he has never really been into the whole pink and black color combination and I ignored him as I tugged and pulled at the fabric and tried to slide it over my rear.

Hmmm, not gliding on as easy as the first, I thought.

Yeah, this is not working AT ALL! I thought.

"What size is this suit anyway?" I finally said out loud.

To which my lovely husband replied, "Not YOUR size."

I grabbed the suit, ripped it off and searched for the tag, which was now rolled up in the lycra/spandex/rubber material that the suit was made of.

Duh. It was a single digit size. A really small single digit size that has not seen itself on any of my clothes since 1993. No wonder I couldn't pull it up.

But at least I had my husband there, for moral support, pointing out the obvious!


JanMary said...

Our husbands must have been separated at birth! Or is this something they are all taught at their monther's knee?

So funny and sadly so true!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

You're a better woman than I am for taking anyone with you bathing suit shopping--very impressive.

Michelle Smiles said...

Funny - I let my husband see me naked (preferably in dim lighting and not while sitting) but would never let him see me trying on swimsuits. LOL

Sandy C. said...

So...have you fluffed the pillows and cushions on the couch for him? ;)

Carrie said...

I cannot believe you survived swimsuit shopping with your husband! You're a brave woman.

kirida said...

Funny, Carrie! I love it.

Christy said...

You are a brave woman! I only go bathing suit shopping in the dead of night, wearing a black shroud, sunglasses and a baseball cap...either that or I shop online.

GoteeMan said...

Well, as a husband, that's tricky business... any husband worth his salt wants his sweetie to know how he dearly loves her and how great she looks...
On the other hand, he has to make a judgement call on what response to make when asked about each piece of cloth - some no larger than the cotton ball in an asprin bottle - and how much the remainder of the world is to see of sweetie. I mean, thongs are great for a lead-in, but not to create a following of other "woody" men trailing her down the beach... also, some suits are just not flattering for different body types... we want our wives to feel confident and look their best, but also not look so damned attractive that we have to fight off the "more buff than us"...
so it isn't easy coming up with the balanced answer there, so kudos to the Mr. for going along and taking that dangerous walk on the blade of a knife... =)

Becky said...

lol yall are cute. at least he went with you! matt wouldn't even do it!

Anonymous said...

I'm lucky - my husband worked on What Not To Wear in London for several years and is the best person ever to go shopping with!

Valarie said...

If you want someone to be brutally honest with you, take your teenage daughter, or borrow a teenage girl that you know. They WILL tell you everything that doesn't look good. :)

Asianmommy said...

I'm with Michelle--my husband will never have the opportunity to see me trying on swimsuits! :)

carol said...

Oh my gosh, you found a suit that looked cute. I am green with envy, Did you buy it?