Monday, June 02, 2008

Perfect Post

There are days during this whole raising a pre-teen gig when I literally want to rip my hair out. There are no manuals, no classes, no inspirational late-night infomercials that will give me the exact, right answer that I am looking for. Parents, literally, have to wing it with their first-born, of this I am the most convincest of convinced.
Does that make sense? Other than the ficticious word, convincest.

What I am trying to say is that I've read the books - lots of 'em! I've taken classes - a few. I've tried my hardest and with every brain cell that I have left to figure out why it (parenting) is so hard some days, but all I can come up with is that it just is. Plain and simple.

I remember being an angsty pre-teen (which of course carried over into my teenage years, and there is not enough wine in the world to make my own mother forget about those) - but I remember it happening much later than it is with my son. I also recall that my moodiness and general dislike for anything my mother had to tell me was tied into my menstrual cycle, but what that has to do with my son, I have no idea. Boys don't get periods.

But boys get moody. They get moody and they get unmoody just as quickly as girls. This, I never knew. I thought only girls were like this. I must have been too busy checking my mall bangs in the mirror singing "You spin me right round baby right round like a record baby right round round round" to notice if my younger brother was experiencing this adolescent angst that seems to transform my baby at the drop of a dime.

My baby. That's just it. I love him just as much when he's being all weird and crabby as I did when I would cradle him in my arms. He may be changing, but my love for him is not - no matter how many times he rolls his eyes at me or loses his temper with his siblings.

When I read Slouching Mom's post, Floating, about her son, I cried.

No, it isn't because I'm hormonal and moody (see? it never ends). It's because for the first time someone had expressed exactly what I'd been feeling but didn't know how to say when it comes to parenting a boy on the cusp of young manhood.

So, I am giving her the Perfect Post for May. Thank you, Slouching Mom, for opening my eyes to a whole new level of understanding, of being, of parenting. Thank you for helping me see it through his eyes, instead of my 35-year-old ones (maybe I need glasses?).

12 comments:

soupisnotafingerfood said...

Boy, I feel ya on this. My oldest of 3 sons is 12 and many moms of the same and I have commiserated that isn't this moody thing happening earlier to them than it did with us? We console ourselves that maybe it will end sooner than our own angst did. My situation is complicated by the fact that my son had a major medical event a couple of years ago, so we don't exactly know whether he'd be "like this" anyway, or is there something else going on. No matter; as you say, not enough wine in the world to make it go away sometimes.

slouching mom said...

Wow, Carrie. Thank you so much for this.

My moment of clarity was just that -- a moment -- and it doesn't mean I have this thing figured out, sad to say. ;)

Kimmylyn said...

Thanks for sharing that post.. I seriously shake in my shoes thinking about the "not comfortable" in my skin years.. they were rough on me..I am hoping we blaze right by that phase..though I highly doubt it..

painted maypole said...

that SM sure does have a way with words. ;)

it seems we were singing the same songs while spraying our mall bangs. ;) and I was friends with a guy who INSISTED that men also went through cycles, like a girl's period. you know, the moodiness, without all the bleeding.

OHmommy said...

Im going to have to go and check it out. I am a bit hormonal today. ;)

Bon said...

i loved that post too (it led me here, in fact). Slouching Mom's kids are older than mine and i sometimes feel like the grasshopper sucking up all her wisdom and insight as i read, thinking "damn, i should mark that down for later..."

Kyla said...

Oh my! He looks like such a big guy all of a sudden. Wow.

Great choice, Carrie.

Anonymous said...

When that young man comes to stay the night, and he is in "his" own room, reading alone while his siblings get their stories from your dad & me...

or out on the lake, paddling my kayak in ever-widening circles...

I am so stuck by the fact that indeed he is growing up quickly and needs space & tine...

to find himself and like what he finds...


Wish I had read "Slouching Mom" about 20 years ago!

But, we still survived, you & I...

xxxooomom

Family Adventure said...

Just went over and read SM's post. Having an 11 yr old myself, I have to agree she nailed it! Great choice, Carrie.

Heidi

Anonymous said...

"struck" not stuck.

doesn't pay to do this late at night.

xxxooomom

Emily said...

What a wonderful post - it was a pleasure to read! I'm nowhere near those years (myself or with kids) but they are definitely hard (on everyone!)

Gen said...

Oh my gosh, he is a little man!!

That pic makes me teary damn it. WHat is he doing growing up all handsome and cute like that?