Have you seen those commercials where Kelly Ripa and her friend bake all the cupcakes and gorgeous men are lured to their apartment to partake in those lucious cupcakes?
Do you really believe, for one itty bitty minute, that Kelly Ripa bakes anything?
Don't get me wrong, she and I have a lot in common . . . kinda.
We both use Tide.
We both want to be even more amazing, just like the commercial says.
That's probably where the similarities end, except for the fact that she's the one kicking the gorgeous blue-interior door of the brand-new Electrolux oven closed with her kitten heel and I'm the one slamming the creaky, almond-colored, crappy Whirlpool shut with my knee - while wearing flip flops.
She can boil water in under 90 seconds on her Electrolux cooktop. I have to wait 9 minutes and adjust the pot on my unlevel burner to get the water to boil.
Do you see how unfair this is?
I can whip out my Tide To-Go Stick with the best of them and mop that spaghetti stain off of a pretty little dress.
I can remove the grassiest of grass stains with my 2X Ultra Tide. Don't even get me started on crayon removal, we all know how that went.
And, I can bake a mean cupcake in my oven, the one that heats unevenly and seemingly at it's own temperature which is determined by who knows what.
Dammit, life just isn't fair.
I usually don't envy television personalities. Heck, I don't want their jobs - to have to be ridiculed and judged by strangers on every decision I make, how I dress and what I do with my kids when I'm not flirting with Regis Philbin - but that Ripa chick has really got my feathers all ruffled with her Electroux lovin'.
I admit, I am jealous - to the max, and I want me some Electrolux in the worst possible way.
Do they have appliance rehab? I am sure Amy Winehouse will be happy to see me.