Friday, May 23, 2008

Wherein my Electrolux Obsession Hits a New High

Have you seen those commercials where Kelly Ripa and her friend bake all the cupcakes and gorgeous men are lured to their apartment to partake in those lucious cupcakes?

Do you really believe, for one itty bitty minute, that Kelly Ripa bakes anything?

Don't get me wrong, she and I have a lot in common . . . kinda.

We both use Tide.

We both want to be even more amazing, just like the commercial says.

That's probably where the similarities end, except for the fact that she's the one kicking the gorgeous blue-interior door of the brand-new Electrolux oven closed with her kitten heel and I'm the one slamming the creaky, almond-colored, crappy Whirlpool shut with my knee - while wearing flip flops.

She can boil water in under 90 seconds on her Electrolux cooktop. I have to wait 9 minutes and adjust the pot on my unlevel burner to get the water to boil.

Do you see how unfair this is?

I can whip out my Tide To-Go Stick with the best of them and mop that spaghetti stain off of a pretty little dress.

I can remove the grassiest of grass stains with my 2X Ultra Tide. Don't even get me started on crayon removal, we all know how that went.

And, I can bake a mean cupcake in my oven, the one that heats unevenly and seemingly at it's own temperature which is determined by who knows what.

Dammit, life just isn't fair.

I usually don't envy television personalities. Heck, I don't want their jobs - to have to be ridiculed and judged by strangers on every decision I make, how I dress and what I do with my kids when I'm not flirting with Regis Philbin - but that Ripa chick has really got my feathers all ruffled with her Electroux lovin'.

I admit, I am jealous - to the max, and I want me some Electrolux in the worst possible way.

Do they have appliance rehab? I am sure Amy Winehouse will be happy to see me.

14 comments:

flutter said...

I too, am itching to boil water in 90 seconds.

painted maypole said...

ha ha ha....

slouching mom said...

do you remember when kelly ripa played hayley on AMC? or am i so much older than you are that you don't know WTF i'm talking about! ;)

anyway, yes, boiling water faster would be AWESOME.

jennyonthespot said...

While I have new (2 years old) appliances - they don't do THAT. I've thought the same thing, when she has a houseful - she's not twisting around the kitchen getting the food out - it's her help that gets to use all that high-end kitchen fare.

So, if we really think about it.... who REALLY has skill? Us!

carrie said...

Slouching Mom - I saw that on an E! True Hollywood story, does that count? :)

The Mom said...

You are a FANTASTIC writer! Thanks for stopping by my place! ;)

Grim Reality Girl said...

Take me with you to appliance rehab -- I have issues. I hate Kelly for her 90 second boil. H.A.T.E....H.E.R. It is not attractive this hate. Of HER. I'll take a new kitchen if anyone wants to donate! I see those commercials and feel sinful for my jealousy. Back off Kelly.... I already hated you for being THIN!

OHmommy said...

Do you think she really uses TIDE?

Jen said...

Do you think she really uses the stove? Do you think she even eats? She is soooooo skinny.

Slouching Mom-- I remember her on AMC as Haley.

Family Adventure said...

I'm wondering the same thing as jen...does she actually EAT anything?! Because if she does and still manages to stay so skinny, I might have to hurt someone!

Heidi :)

Ann(ie) said...

That bitch is toooooo skinny. But, I do love her. And anyone who puts up with grumpy Reeege on a daily basis is a hero in my book.

Michelle Smiles said...

I kinda hate Kelly Rippa - she is too much of a super woman to like. I want to force feed her some cookies so she'll gain a pound.

My appliances are less than 5 years old (rental house...I didn't pick them out and they aren't top of the line) but the burners aren't level on the stove and the oven seems to have a corner that is impervious to heat and the carousel in the microwave doesn't turn. But, sadly, they are all better than that appliances in my old house (which I did own but didn't pick out because they came with the house). Those were at least 20 years old. Except my stove - I miss my gas stove. I can control things so much better on my gas stove. But water does boil faster on electric.

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

How much are those things anyway? It does look awesome.

And I hate both Regis and Kelly for so many more reasons than her cooktop.

Sandy in Lauderdale said...

Well, I just purchased Rippa's applicance on Sunday. The refrigerator, stove, dishwasher, microwave hood totalled around $8K.