Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Instilling Fear in the Hearts of Daddys-to-be Everywhere

My husband works long hours at the fire station, which means if he works a double (or triple) shift, he is gone anywhere from 48 to 72 hours at a time.

By the time the second night rolls around, we are usually missing him and find any excuse to go visit him at work. Sometimes we bring dinner, or ice cream. But mostly, we just bring ourselves.

Last weekend Katie was invited to spend the night with her cousin and the boys and I took full advantage of the time without the tyrant to get lost in the book section of Target. I even caved and bought them each a book for their good report cards. Other than that, the shopping expedition was rather uneventful and "unfun" yet I still managed to spend over $100 on things that I needed, not wanted. Things like foil and lint rollers (which both, separately, cost more than my cheap-o hairspray). Why is foil so darned expensive? Yawn.

Anyway, after our trip to Target, we visited Dad at the fire station.

His shift partner was Pete, who is about to become a father for the first time.

"How's Camille doing?" I asked him in between threats to the boys that they immediately stop goofing around in the swivel chairs.

Pete told me that she was doing good, and that they would be finding out the sex of their baby in a few weeks. His eyes lit up (they really did!) when he explained just how excited he was to meet his baby for the first time.

"Maybe I should take some baby classes so I know what to do," he told us.

Pete comes from a long line of dairy farmers, so I think his natural instincts will kick in right away when the baby is born.

"Aw, you'll be fine," I assured him.

"Yeah, until you're at the hospital and your wife is recovering from surgery and they make you change your baby with a cloth diaper - pins and all!" says my dear husband.

"Don't' scare him honey," I manage.

Pete's face is not so lit up anymore.

"Did they really make you use cloth and pins?" he asks Brett.

At which point my husband explains that yes, they did. I then spend the next five minutes telling him that cloth diapers have come a long way since 1996 and they don't even use pins anymore. Then we all proceed to get into a conversation about disposable vs. cloth diapers and that either way, you're screwed because both leave an environmental footprint that takes a long time to disappear. So, if you're concerned about the environment, just don't have kids!

Ah yes, the conversation with the new daddy-to-be went on from there as we, the seasoned, been there done that parents, shared even more tales from the diaper changing days with him.

"Remember that time when McRae's diaper blew out all the way up to his neck?" Brett said.

"Oh yeah, and we didn't know how to get his clothes off without smearing it all over him!" I added.

Now Pete is staring at us.

"And every time the boys would sleep, no matter how tight we'd put the diaper on, it would leak!"

"Eeeeeeew!" I said.

We both looked over at our friend, and smiled.

He wasn't buying it. His face clearly said, "You guys are scaring me."


Beth from the Funny Farm said...

I remember the time I saw the diaper exploding in the back yard wading pool..... HEH!

Anonymous said...

Hi again, see tthis is the site i told you i signed up to. It has some nice information about how to make money using OPP, i think you might find it interesting. here it is. bye!

Meg said...

Diapers, exploding...yup...been there done that!!!

Aleka's World said...

How funny!! Did you warn him about boys' tendency to pee ON you as you're changing them? You have to learn to shield yourself from the projectile!
Damn Target! I can't EVER get out of there without spending a mint!!

Becky said...

lol so many things that people try to warn you about...and no matter what youre NEVER prepared for lol

painted maypole said...

if he's a dairy farmer he should be used to dealing with waste products.

we did cloth diapers. loved them, and WAY LESS LEAKS

OHmommy said...

yup... been there. lol. i love it when new parents observe us in action. but i too remember being a new parent and being amazed at seasoned parents. :)

Stacy said...

I think you should do your friends a faor & offer to let them borrow your kids for the weekend....just after you hype them up on Skittles & Mountain Dew.
What are friends for anyway?

Lisa said...

Sounds like he's going to get to find out about all of the "'fun" stuff soon enough. Isn't it fun tho (in an mischievious way) to scare expectant parents that way? heehee.