Thursday, March 06, 2008

Birth Control

Every Saturday morning, Katie has swimming lessons at our local high school's pool. We are in a bit of a lull regarding the kids' activities, as baseball season has yet to start and taekwondo has a very flexible schedule, so swimming is her thing, her activity, her gig.

And she loves it.

Since my other children aren't old enough to stay home alone, they get to come with me to Katie's lesson when Dad is at work.

The boys are used to the routine. They bring their Gameboys and find a spot on the bleachers. There, they will wait for me until I'm done helping Katie in the locker room and bringing her to the "Blowfish" area of the pool to the waiting arms of her instructor.

It's an easy routine, one would think.

Last week, after getting the goggles just right on Katie's face, watching her do a few bobs and giggle with the other 4-year-olds in the pool, I found a place on a nearby bench. The boys were sitting way up at the top of the bleachers where is is too hot and humid for humans, so I motioned for them to join me on the bench.

"How many kids do you have?" said the woman sitting next to me.

"Just three," I answered her.

"Just three," she laughed, "you say that like it's no big deal."

"Well, most of the time, it isn't - except for today, when they act like puppies and can't keep their hands to themselves," I said before politely excusing myself from the conversation to shoot daggers out of my eyes in the direction of the boys, who were man-handling each other on the bench next to me.

The chatty woman continued to talk, and I continued to threaten my son's very existence with dirty looks.

I watched the clock, willing the hands to move a little more quickly, wishing to end the torture of taking chimpanzees with me to my daughter's swimming lesson.

It didn't budge.

Nearing the end of the marathon half-hour lesson, our daughters were jumping into the pool one after the other, a sure sign that it was time to meet them outside the locker rooms with their towels. I told the boys to meet me in the lobby and, "absolutely no monkey business or you'll be sorry," before standing up to go get Katie.

The chatty lady next to me, who I learned was born in Hong Kong, she was Chinese and had adopted her daughter from China, had only one child and didn't want any more, her husband was in the Navy and she was concerned with the public school system where she lived, her sister was a cop and had 2 boys, also close in age like mine, said, "Do you have to bring all of your kids with you everywhere you go?"

The condom industry should be giving me a cut of all the profits that woman is going to be bringing in.

21 comments:

Kellan said...

How funny - and YES, when you have them - they pretty much have to tag along everywhere you go. One kid? Can you imagine?

Thanks so much for stopping by and thank you for the prayers for our precious baby. We are hoping for the best, of course, and appreciate all the prayers. See you soon - Kellan

Stacey @Real World Mom said...

LOL! Love it! Email Trojan! ;-)

Conservative SuperMom said...

Okay this made me laugh.
My husband thinks that we are some kind of side of the road freak show w/our 3 kids b/c he doesn’t remember anyone from his younger days with a fam of five. However, I think it is more of the norm to have 3 kiddos anymore.....
I always hated when I was pregnant w/the 3rd and someone would say to me “Don’t you know by now how kids are made?” Noooo, I haven’t a clue!

Mel said...

Heh.

But you wouldn't have it any other way, now, admit it.

:)

Around The Funny Farm said...

Hmmm.... Just three. LOL

You see.. I had an only for almost 5 years...

I understand both ways of life... and let me tell you... just one is so much easier.

lololol But the insane amount of laughter I get from the other two more than makes up for it all!

OHmommy said...

Nice... "just three" spoken like a wonder women.

:)

LindaJ said...

hee hee.....do you have to bring your kids evereywhere you go?? hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee.

Nap Warden said...

I know what you mean...I have two, and they go everywhere with me:)

flutter said...

"No, sometimes I leave them in the closet!"

Meg said...

I always wanted THREE kids...seriously. One doesn't count, you always know WHO did "it" not so much fun...two, well, they fight all the time...with three I would think that two would always be picking on one, how much fun would that be...? LOTS...!!!

Domestic Spaz said...

LOL! My husband says people who only have one aren't really parents. :) He's kidding, of course.

I remember one time I was at Office Depot with my three. My youngest was just an infant and very crabby and the older two were irritating each other and in turn, irritating me. Hubs was, of course, off talking to some salesperson about something and I was left to myself trying to keep them all quiet and behaved. I was obviously overwhelmed when a very young couple walked by. The young man (probably 19 or 20) looked oddly at me as I wrestled with my older two and I just looked plainly at him and said "Use a condom."

I swear... the words fell out before I even thought.

Aleka's World said...

Where did she propose you leave them? I come from a family of FOUR kids, and my mom brought us all everywhere she went! She's a GREAT mom, and you are too! :)

Scout's Honor said...

Yep, we have been subjected to the arrogant, pretensious "you do know how babies are made, right" crappola too. That's when we tell them our first was conceived with CONDOMS, the rhythm method, and BIRTH CONTROL and our third was BORN after a terribly painful VASECTOMY. That takes them off their high horse. The Dads that have had a vasectomy turn green and I see panic in the Mommy eyes. Tsk. Tsk. Sometimes kids are meant to be. I love everyone one of my kids and wouldn't have it anyway, but them I come from a family of eight.

I once had a troll tell me that it was irresponsible for me to have three kids and we shouldn't have trusted the vasectomy. Whatever.

Btw, my husband had it done again. I still panic every month since we are the most fertile couple on the planet. Did I mention my third was conceived two days after he came from a six month deployment to the Middle East? Yep, there's no stopping them when they are meant to be. :)

amanda said...

haha. I wonder what she thought the alternative to taking them "everywhere with you" was. Have a good weekend! :)

Ann(ie) said...

HA! um, yeah. I like to have them with me so a crazy person doesn't grab em. That's funny. My mom toted us everywhere. I think it's terribly normal!!

Heidi Hess Saxton said...

Our kids came to us through foster adoption (initially we had their older sister as well). The first week we got them (at 6 months, 2-1/5 and 5), I remember going into the grocery store with the baby in a sling on my front, the other two in one of those fancy car carts, bickering with each other.

I remember the check-out lady saying how hot it was and pointing to my sling, "How can you stand wearing one of those things? It's worse than being pregnant!"

I remember bending over to grab a cantelope from the corner of the cart, and holding the baby's head with the other. She didn't know that I'd been a mother less than a week, or that I'd never experienced pregancy. I'm grateful she didn't make a comment about my having too many children, or I might have had to slap her there and then.

Even at that moment, I wished with all my heart that I was carrying a child. I also knew that, barring a miracle, it would never happen.

It can be hard to read posts where women are afraid they might be pregnant. Or about girls who experiment with sex only once and get "caught" with a "problem." Yes, there are very real challenges to raising children. But you get a daily, tangible reminder of love. Of the mysterious gift and calling of womanhood.

There is a segment of our population that has come to see infertility -- as a desirable state, rather than a condition to be treated. But it is such a wonderful, mysterious gift!

Sarah often asks for a baby sister. "Only if God decides to send one," I tell her, knowing it would take a miracle. But then, miracles do happen, right?

Huckdoll said...

I feel the same way about the condom industry. One look at my Terrible Two at the mall and I swear people bee-line it to the drugstore to stock up.

painted maypole said...

ha ha ha ha ha

Family Adventure said...

Clueless, absolutely clueless!

I'm loving the new banner - great shot!

Heidi

Kristin said...

Jake and Jack have just reached the age of being able to be left alone for short periods of time... it's weird, to tell you the truth, to be out with just Eva and no boys!

mommastantrum said...

"Why no. I usually leave those two tied up in the laundry room when I have to run errands."

Um, what else would you do with your kids? Does she not take her only daughter with her when she goes places?

I only have one child...not by choice mind you but by bad "baby making genes"...but am not stupid enough to even ask someone something that stupid.

I guess I am still surprised at the stupid things people say.