Saturday, March 01, 2008

Before There Was Blogging

There were notebooks, kept at a mother's bedside table.

12/28/97
12:53 a.m.

You smell like graham crackers as you nuzzle into the space between my chin and my shoulder. Here we sit, and rock, until you feel safe enough to surrender into your baby sleep - safe enough to return to your cozy crib adorned with several soft "lovies" to see you through the hard times of the night.

I do not know what has awaken you from your slumber, but whatever it was, your "lovies" couldn't conquer it. And so, you called to me - rather, grew obviously agitated in your cries - to rescue you, if only for a short time, and rock you back to sleep.

For almost five months, you slept through the night with only occasional wakeful moments which you would handle alone as your daddy and I listened to you put yourself back to sleep. We would then creep into your room and make sure you were covered and had a "lovie" close by. Proudly, we would tip toe the few steps into our room and then whisper about what a good baby you were. Then, we would fall asleep thinking about how lucky we felt.

You began waking in the wee hours of the night around 8 months. After three nights in a row of rushing to your bedside, I grew lazy and brought you to our bed when you awoke, saying to myself that "this must be a phase and it will soon pass." You slept well between daddy and I, with warm milk only a mere turn of the head away, but I did not. After a while, we decided that you should go back in your own crib again and we probably needed to stop nighttime feedings since you hadn't needed them the entire 5 months prior to now.

We weaned you back to your cozy flannel crib sheet and those soft "lovies" who had been waiting patiently all along.

Then, we crossed our fingers.

You put up a struggle - pulling at our sympathetic hearts with each whimper and then the even sadder calming down period after a lengthy cry. We felt awful, but you always forgave us by the time morning rolled around. Things were starting to get easier.

Now we seem to have reached a compromise - you will need to know about them when you are older anyway. You go to sleep in you own little crib with "lovies" galore. Sometimes you fuss, sometimes you don't. When you protest bedtime, we tell you we love you, rock you, sing to you and try to make your transition into dreamland a comfortable one.

We feel good about this and hope that you do too. When you call to us late at night, we are there for you. Knowing that we are what you need because you fall asleep instantly in our arms, makes us feel important, loved; just as you feel safe and loved.

So when you cry in the middle of the night and I stumble blindly to your crib to comfort you, we are both receiving something that we need. We are reassured that the world is okay, we are not alone and everything is as it should be.

I sit and I rock, I know you've fallen asleep because your breathing has changed and you've grown heavier against my chest. I do not want to let go - I want to sit here and smell your baby smell forever. I want to stroke your silky hair and hum you another lullaby.

You are fast, fast asleep now and it is time to lay you down but part of me wishes you'd wake up and need me for a little while longer.

I leave you cozily tucked in with your "lovies" and return to my bed feeling lucky.

3/1/08
12:03 a.m.

Happy 11th Birthday, Baby Boy

Love, Mom

23 comments:

Family Adventure said...

Happy 11th birthday!

And Carrie, that was beautiful :)

Heidi

Lis Garrett said...

Very sweet tribute . . .

Ann(ie) said...

awwwww. SO SWEET, girlie!!! Happy 11th to your precious boy!

LindaJ said...

You needed to warn me that i needed a box of tissue for that post.

Stacey @Real World Mom said...

Carrie, that was beautiful! Happy Birthday, Baby Boy! *sniff*

Kyla said...

How sweet. Happy birthday!

painted maypole said...

oh. aren't you so glad you kept that journal? i wish i had been more faithful. i did a bit, but not as much as I wish i had. blogging helps.

flutter said...

Oh how beautiful!

OHmommy said...

Awwwww.... Carrie. That was beautiful.

LOL. Before blogging. What did we do? And. You. Have been blogging forever! How do you do it?

Huckdoll said...

Oh, Carrie! How special was that? Nothing short of beautiful.

Nap Warden said...

So sweet...Happy Birthday!

Anonymous said...

And don't forget the other 11th "birthday" we have to celebrate. The birth of one of the best moms I know.

I love you...
your cousin

Fliss and Mike Adventures said...

I wish I had done that years ago... seems I am more the computer type to keep a 'journal'... take care

Around The Funny Farm said...

Happy Birthday. My little girl turns 11 on Thursday!

:-)) Beth

Beth said...

So beautiful!

Teachin' this mommy new tricks! said...

sweet! And handsom boy!

Nichole said...

Aw, that made me teary-eyed! Happy birthday to your "baby"!

Aleka's World said...

AW!!! All the COOL kids are turning 11! :)He's so cute!!
That was beautiful!

April said...

This was SO incredibly sweet. It gave me goosebumps!!

Queen of the Mayhem said...

What a handsome little man!


This post made me tear up.....I sometimes miss that being needed feeling....NOT nearly enough to have another child...but STILL! :)

Mrs. Flinger said...

So wonderful. You made me tear up, too! Darnit!

Happy Birthday! Eleven years. Wow!

Mamacita Tina said...

Beautiful, beautiful post!

Happy 11th.

Cathy said...

*oof*

Oh, you got me with this one.