I don't read cheesy romance novels, not that there is anything wrong with that.
But here I sit amidst my neatly folded laundry, with the biggest, sappiest grin on my face staring at Bachelor Brad on tv.
"Come here, come on over here to me" he says with his sexy Texas drawl to a pretty brunette and I fully become aware that my very own cheeks are hurting because the grin spreading across them is straining the muscles in my face.
Thank god nobody was in the room with me except the incredible farting dog (aka, Roy).
What is it about this Bachelor (I have no idea what number we're on, let's just say that there have been tons) that has me mesmerized like a drooling idiot licking her television with a bottle of cheap red wine in one hand and the TV Guide in another?
I've watched the show before. I could take it or leave it and if I happened to miss an episode . . . no sweat. But this one, whoa Nellie, I would DIE if I missed it. I'm in lurve, and I even told my husband to back off when he suggested that Brad (see, we're on a first-name basis here - I need help) wax his eyebrows. Don't you be knocking Bachelor Brad honey, lest you want to sleep in a bed next to this stinky dog!
I don't even care who wins his heart, or who gets a rose (aren't those rose ceremonies torture?), I just want more chances to stare at his buff body and listen to that southern gentleman (who also happens to be a self-made, hard-working millionaire) woo those gals and make out with them in hot tubs. Yes, I am that bad. Before, those hot tub scenes with all the foliage floating around in the bubbles and the twenty thousand candles lit all around the tub would have me gagging and leaving the room to dig in the freezer for some ice cream, but now, oh no. Now I can't miss a second, even to go to the bathroom. That's dedication.
Either that or insanity.
You tell me.
But don't, don't even think of calling me on a Monday night between the hours of 10:00 and 11:00 p.m. unless you're stranded in a snowbank somewhere.
Then, I'll just bring you a rose.
I need help. Do they have interventions for this type of thing?