Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Bachelor Addict

I don't read cheesy romance novels, not that there is anything wrong with that.

But here I sit amidst my neatly folded laundry, with the biggest, sappiest grin on my face staring at Bachelor Brad on tv.

"Come here, come on over here to me" he says with his sexy Texas drawl to a pretty brunette and I fully become aware that my very own cheeks are hurting because the grin spreading across them is straining the muscles in my face.

Thank god nobody was in the room with me except the incredible farting dog (aka, Roy).

What is it about this Bachelor (I have no idea what number we're on, let's just say that there have been tons) that has me mesmerized like a drooling idiot licking her television with a bottle of cheap red wine in one hand and the TV Guide in another?

I've watched the show before. I could take it or leave it and if I happened to miss an episode . . . no sweat. But this one, whoa Nellie, I would DIE if I missed it. I'm in lurve, and I even told my husband to back off when he suggested that Brad (see, we're on a first-name basis here - I need help) wax his eyebrows. Don't you be knocking Bachelor Brad honey, lest you want to sleep in a bed next to this stinky dog!

I don't even care who wins his heart, or who gets a rose (aren't those rose ceremonies torture?), I just want more chances to stare at his buff body and listen to that southern gentleman (who also happens to be a self-made, hard-working millionaire) woo those gals and make out with them in hot tubs. Yes, I am that bad. Before, those hot tub scenes with all the foliage floating around in the bubbles and the twenty thousand candles lit all around the tub would have me gagging and leaving the room to dig in the freezer for some ice cream, but now, oh no. Now I can't miss a second, even to go to the bathroom. That's dedication.

Either that or insanity.

You tell me.

But don't, don't even think of calling me on a Monday night between the hours of 10:00 and 11:00 p.m. unless you're stranded in a snowbank somewhere.

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Then, I'll just bring you a rose.

I need help. Do they have interventions for this type of thing?


Family Adventure said...

OMG, I was howling! You are hysterical.
Being in Norway at the moment, where we DO NOT have the Bachelor, I have no idea what you are talking about. Looking at the picture, well, let's just say I imagine his personality comes out better on TV (sorry, was that mean? I think his eyebrows are fine, though).
BUT... I do know what you mean about watching something you know is absolutely and completely mind-numbing, but you do it anyway. Back in Canada, I used to watch America's Next Top Model. Which is kinda like watching a car crash. In slow-mo. It is probably the dumbest show I have ever seen, and yet I watched it religiously, to see the girls get into it with each other and the judges. I have no idea why, but my kids had to be IN BED, LIGHTS OUT by 9 pm on Wednesdays, and my husband knew there could be no convesation except during commercial breaks.

So - if you do find help somewhere, please sign me up, too.

Kellan said...

I'm right there with you. I think its that we can go there (like in a romance novel) and live the fantasy. That whole dating, holding onto each other, giggling, makin' out, stuff ... it's like watching a dream. And it doesn't hurt that these guys are GORGEOUS! I like the show too -

LindaJ said...

numb your mind it's okay....um, Sunset Tan....I wasted 4 hours of my life I will never get back, 4!
We all do it, this just happens to be your thing this time.

Redneck Mommy said...

I always get annoyed by the twits he has to chose from.

If I were there, there'd be no competition...


Kyla said...

This was hilarious.

You know, TiVo has a slow motion function...I'm just saying. ;)

rachel said...

you can rewatch the episodes on ABC.com any time your heart desires - The Bachelor along with all the other hit ABC shows

painted maypole said...

wow. i cannot abide the bachelor. i can't handle the catfights and the shallow and the fact that he makes out with numerous girls.

But hey, whatever you enjoy! :) And if a funny post comes out of, it's all good!

flutter said...

I just CANNOT deal with the moustache...

Ann(ie) said...

um, I know dude. I'm in love. He's been added to my list.

1.) Kyle Chandler
2.) Tim McGraw
3.) Bachelor hottie