Sugar Sugar

Dear Candy Makers of the World,

When will you stop creating such ridiculous confections and start improving or better yet, reducing the amount of sugar in the umpteenmillion varieties already out there?

Why do I ask?

Because I am sick of unloading 40.3 pounds of groceries onto a conveyor belt as my children become hypnotized, mesmerized and lured in by your products placed at the check-out line. I know, these items are strategically placed here in order to get people like me (suckers) to buy them. They are even at eye level with most children in order to entice them further. The checkers are probably even in on it too, refusing to scan the groceries faster than a snail's pace in order to give the kids more time to stare at those colorful displays. Yes, I see my favorite minty, sugarless chewing gum way up high where I will want to grab a pack. I know what you're trying to do, and I know it works.

But could you back off on the ridiculous products, please?

Things like squeezable, squirtable and powdered candy should be outlawed. Harsh? Maybe, but I'd much rather spend my dollars (and pennies) on a good 'ol pack of M & M's any day. And this new bubble gum from Bubblicious (Ink'd) that turns your tongue blue and then you are able to go around licking basketballs and walls, thus leaving your blue-tongue marks on everything? Are you kidding me? Besides the obvious unsanitary implications of licking every surface in sight, who is going to clean that mess up? Again, I say, ridiculous.

Before you go calling me the most unfun mother on the planet, I'll let you in on a little secret of mine.

I let my kids eat candy.

And, it isn't always sugarless.

And of course, there is the inspecting of the brushed teeth that happens each and every night, regardless of candy intake.

I don't let them do it everyday. Sometimes weeks pass before a sugary morsel is placed in their mouths. Sometimes they even decline it when it is offered. I know, shocking! But if I am going to let them indulge once in a while (say, after a strenuous grocery shopping trip . . . ) then I want it to be on some quality goods, not these goofy things. I have enough goofy in my life as it is and I do not need your help in increasing it!

So please, no more gigantic marshmallows shaped like cheeseburgers, hot dogs or slices of pizza, baby bottle anything, candy in tubes (that's just wrong). No more candy that looks like an amazing piece of art work but tastes like cardboard (I'd rather buy the art).

Please, I'm begging you.

Respectfully,

Carrie (the mom with the sugar high)