This just in, Carrie, wife of Brett and mother of three, has gone missing.
After dropping her brood off at her parent's residence around 3 o'clock, she was spotted driving with her windows rolled all the way down, rocking out to Motely Crue, headed west on SR 9. She was last seen at the local drugstore buying the following items:
1 box of Calgon Bath Bubbles
1 Oprah Magazine
1 New Nicholas Sparks Novel
1 Buttercream-scented Yankee Candle
1 Small Bag of M & M's
Careful monitoring of her debit card confirms these purchases.
She then made one last known stop at the grocery store to purchase:
Good Cheddar Cheese
Most likely, to make a meal for herself resembling this:
The Simple Sandwich.
It was reported around 6:00p.m. that her neighbors heard loud disco music coming from her residence, accompanied by the hum of a vacuum cleaner and the scent of Pine Sol. After that, her whereabouts are unknown.
Please be on the lookout for this woman.
And if you do see her, do not approach her and ask her to wipe your bottom or get your brother to stop being annoying. Proceed with caution.