Friday, January 05, 2007

Breathe In...Breathe Out

They say not to look at the clock if you can't fall asleep.

Does it count if it is through a water bottle?

Does it count if it is with only one eye open?

They say not to let kids into your bed.

Does it count if it's after midnight?

Does it count if she promised me she'd sleep in her own bed tomorrow?

They say not to wake up your kid too much when he's had a bad dream.

Does it count if he wants to talk it out?

Does it count if it was about Dracula yanking me around by my teeth?

They say not to let kids into your bed.


Does it count if he's on the floor, in a sleeping bag, there's no room in the bed!

Does it count if he's scared?

They say not to resent your spouse.

Does it count if he's been snoring all, and I do mean all, night?

Does it count if it's 3:40 a.m.?

Oh, I wasn't supposed to look at the clock, but I was checking on the sleeping boy on the floor next to me, while escaping the toddler toes poking me in the nostril, I couldn't help it.

14 comments:

Oh, The Joys said...

I usually elbow the snoring man. Hard.

mom said...

You really need to copyright this one...

I am so glad my surgery was a success & I can REALLY laugh out loud again now!

Mamacita Tina said...

Is there an answer to the snoring man syndrome? I just hate that, staring at the clock and listening to him snore.

Pendullum said...

My daughter has a Queen Size bed... and when my husband starts to snore... I go and sleep with her...

Wrong? Maybe? But it gets me through the night... And a girl needs her sleep...

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I HATE what "they" say! Sometimes I wonder if "they" ever even had kids! It is all about survival! As for the snoring, that is grounds for justifiable homicide in some states! Good luck! Thanks for stopping by my blog! Come back anytime! Yours is helarious!

Jill said...

Wait, are you sure you weren't sleeping in my bedroom last night? Cause that sure sounds familiar.

Last week my husband helpfully suggested that I get earplugs to remedy his snoring problem. Great, thanks hon.

Left Coast Sister said...

Do you ever wonder how they'd wake up in case of fire?? Amazing what the call of duty can do. Great post!!

jen said...

whenever they say anything, i find myself tuning out.

this is a great post.

Lisa said...

And this would be why I spend as much time in the guest room as our own room. And while in the master bedroom, I use a fan to drown out the noise, PLUS my hubby sleeps on his side, PLUS I take Tylenol PM so I fall asleep before he does, PLUS he sleeps with a dental device that is SUPPOSED to help the snoring. (Don't stop it but its quieter...)

Jenny said...

God. I'm tired just reading this.

You need a nap, sister.

LindaJ said...

who the hell are "they" and why do we care so much what "they" think?

Sorry about the snoring man, and the misplaced children.....I feel your pain....almost every night, in one aspect or another.....INSOMNIA is my middle name.

Kevin Charnas said...

When they're snoring, just slightly push with your toes onto their feet. I know that you'd like to kick, but just gradually apply pressure until they stop snoring. Continue as many times as necessary.

If this doesn't work after many tries, please apply pepper spray.

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

Ugh. Wishing you some sleep. And I think none of those count. Do whatever works, woman!

Lisa

Grim Reality Girl said...

I remember sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor in my parents room. I had bad dreams and trouble getting back to sleep. It was always a comfort to me.... and they stil got their own bed a good night's sleep. My Dad's snoring was a comfort through the wall. My husband's snoring in the same room drives me insane. The pug can's sleep in our room either -- she snores louder than my hubby!!!